Thank you, Jesus

My second thank you letter in my 365 Thank You Letters project.

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My dear, sweet, loving Jesus,

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How very special you are to me! I can never thank you enough for always being close by, guiding me, along with our Father’s help. Thank y’all for the employment of God’s many angels, for all our many blessings and most of all, for saving me from my sins so that I can be with you and my family in heaven one day, hopefully far, far from now. No offense. I surely will be so very happy to see you again. I just want to be around on the earth for a while so I can spend more time with my two favorite girls, witness my daughter graduate high school, then college, then her marrying the right guy, my playing ‘Nonnie’ (otherwise known as grandma) to my grandbabe(s), witness my mom turning a happy and healthy 110+, and witness so many more blessings.

Thank you for showing up at all the right times when I needed you most. I know that was you. I felt you sit on the edge of my bed and soothe the pain in my soul. You lulled me to sleep that night. Thank you for getting me out of all those bad decisions and almost bad decisions, for loving me in spite of my many weaknesses and stupidity and anger and meanness. Thank you for your forgiveness and for going to our Father on my behalf.

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When I think of what all you went through for me (for all of us), I can’t help but cry, sweet Jesus. To go through so much torture, cruelty and torment, it physically hurts my heart and body. I wish it could have gone a different way. I wish you could have saved us from our sins without going through such pain and suffering. But you did do it. And you did it for us. Because you love us. Because you’re strong and brave and your love has more courage, strength and power than any physical abuse you could have ever experienced. I know you are healed and feel no physical pain now, but my heart still aches when I think of those six hours you spent on the cross and the torture leading up to that.

Please forgive me for my sins. Please wash me as white as snow. Wash those sins away and renew me in you, sweet Brother. I belong to you and to our Father and I always will. Please help me to be more like you, fill me with your love and compassion and friendship and kindness so that I, too, can spread that love and goodness like you did and still do. Help me to be courageous and strong in spirit. Help me to have confidence so that I can do whatever it is you and our Father wish for me to do. And fill me with your strongest faith, Jesus. You are my truest hero and I will never love anyone as much as I so deeply and truly love you!!! Thank God and YOU for your beautiful soul!!

Love forever and ever till the end of time (if there is such a thing),

Carol

 

Images courtesy of http://www.akiane.com/ and photobucket.com

Living the Adventure to Completion

boots

Buried deep within the caves

The recesses of my mind

Taken there by worn tired weathered leather

And antique sheets wrapped with twine

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Past the echoes and whispers

Through the dark twisted figures

Evermore deeper still toward the dark

Torment and fear churn and shiver

darkscary

 

Not turning to whence I came

Facing the struggle and climb

Promise beckoning me adventure on

Completing the trek is mine

the end

 

A New Day – A New Chance To Be AWESOME!

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Hi!  How are you?  Been a bit chaotic this month?  Yeah, me too.  December is just full of busyness, buying, wrapping, cooking, eating, cleaning, decorating, and just endless going and doing.  Well, 2016 is upon us and guess what?  Yup, you guessed it, it’s time to reinvent yourself, and/or your business, and/or your passion.  Not sure what it is about the year being NEW that inspires us to make changes and goals. What’s wrong with a brand NEW day?  Like TODAY? Each day is another brand new chance to become the person we have always longed to be.  Maybe your ideals and ideas change? Then, make changes that day. Don’t wait for a new week or month or year. Make each new day a chance to begin something or start over, because that’s what happens with each sunrise – another chance.

After much confusion and busyness and chaos and depression and indecisiveness and prayer, I finally reached a decision.  I tried to be still.  Not such a good thing for me when I am keyed up, depressed and worried. Because it makes me focus more on the depression and overthinking everything rather than the doing.  I have to keep my hands busy, ya know?  I mean, meditation is a wonderful thing and I encourage everyone to practice meditation, stillness, silence, prayer, mindfulness, but, for me, meditation and stillness has to be practiced when I am not in a state of worry, panic and overthinking. Only then can I relax my mind.

Since I was 5, my lifelong love has been writing, poetry, telling stories, writing songs – creating.  The voices from my childhood get in the way sometimes, because I allow them to.  I allow them to sabotage what I love, because I think somehow I don’t deserve happiness or success or joy.  I find ways to distract myself from writing. I feel maybe I’ll never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough.

So, this vision came into play for the video series I finally started. I thought it was a beautiful vision. Everyone needs to tell their story, share their story.  We need to hear their stories and learn from them, empathize and sympathize and connect with those stories, those storytellers.  It was a beautiful project, idea, with amazing people and engaging stories.  Not sure if it was God, timing, the universe redirecting me (although I thought the universe was calibrating destiny when the project fell into place), or if it was simply a lesson or two I needed to learn by committing to the project (because I have learned a ton about myself as a result).  For whatever reason, the video project is at a stall, which is forcing me to overthink everything, like many, if not all, creatives do.  I started to realize how much I miss writing for me, telling stories, working on my novel, writing poetry, writing songs – WRITING anything for me.  I miss my characters.  I started getting hungry – hungry for words – hungry for finishing that novel – hungry to re-engage with my characters (my imaginary friends).

Not sure if we are supposed to have more than one passion that we want to pursue but all I have time for is one at a time.  To be worked in and played with around family and work.  I know I cannot do it all, so I am choosing the one thing that’s been a part of me all my life and I am making a commitment to finish this novel, then finish book 2, then book 3, then book 4.  If I never get back to the video project, then it will stay there in the back of my mind. If a miracle occurs, then I’ll have time to write and do the video project and feel utter bliss! But until that miracle happens, I will stop sabotaging my writer self, stop feeling unworthy of goodness and happiness and I will do that thing that brings me joy and release, because each day that I write, even for 30 measly minutes, I find that place of joy and release. It’s like walking through a portal to another world of magic and wonder and weightlessness. And how can I deny myself that?!

So, I am back.  I don’t know how often I will blog, because I do work a lot of hours, spend a lot of time with family and leftover time will go to writing, but I’ll do my best to check in at least once a week or more if I have time.

What are your goals/ resolutions/ changes you would like to make for yourself?  What plan of action/ attack are you strategizing?  Get ready.  You don’t have to wait for January 1. You can being implementation today.  Good luck and God speed!  If you need cheering on, holla!  If you need an accountability partner, I’m here for you.  Just drop me a comment or email me

Top 10 Clues to Cure Christmas Blues

hello

So, I’ve received all your chiming in…or Naw.

But I’ll give my 2 cents anyway.  This is Phase II that I talked about…

We are sick of Christmas.  Or we are sick of having the blues.  Or all the above.  We just wanna get through it.  Without too many tears in our wine and hopefully more than a couple of dimes to rub together.  So, what’s my cure for the Christmas blues?  Well, get a pencil and try some of these things out, ’cause I have a few.  See if they work for you.

danceout1.  DANCE!!  Don’t feel like puttin’ on your dancin’ shoes?  Well, I don’t always feel like dancing either, but when you live with a seriously crazy dancing teenager, when she says dance, you dance. Whether I feel like it, or not (not today because my little mini me is feeling icky), I get up and shake a booty.  Usually in the kitchen.  Not sure why it’s usually in the kitchen but that’s where we always seem to wind up and dance.  And sing.  Badly.  But no matter what sort of mood I’m in and no matter how tired I am, dancing always makes me feel better.  So, turn on your favorite tune that makes you wanna shake a leg, whether they be skinny chicken legs, or you leave the fat and skin on, shake it, baby, because, first of all, it’s good for you, gets that blood pumping, and second of all, it can put a smile on that face.  Oh, and if you wanna get rid of some of that flab, it’s probably one of the best exercises known to man to work up a sweat, boost your metabolism (as well as your mood), all while putting a smile on your face!  And if you have someone in the house or office just sitting around, pull ’em up there with you, because while it’s fun dancing alone, it’s more fun dancing with a friend.
bad singer
2.  SING!  Believe me, I cannot carry a tune in a bucket but when I sing, and especially when I sing loudly, it makes me laugh!  When I hear myself, it’s just hilarious. Yes, that’s how bad it sounds.  My dogs (and every other dog in a 2 mile radius) howls right along with me.  Okay, so maybe they are crying for peace and for me to shut up (likely, the case), but I’ll go on believing they are trying to sing with me.  When my daughter and I sing together (very off key), we both start belly laughing!  And if you want a little extra belly laugh, sing in the mirror!  Watch your face as you “try” to sing and if you’re a wonderful singer like we are (NOT), make yourself sing off key while looking in the mirror.

mirror

3.  LOOK IN THE MIRROR and make silly, sexy, wacky, kissie faces!  Just look at yourself.  Don’t take yourself seriously.  If you ever have taken a selfie, which it seems most of the world has, then you can hang around in the mirror for 5 minutes acting wacky.  Look as if you’re looking at someone else, trying to make them laugh.  Try the sexy look, the pouty lips, blow your mirror self a kiss, look serious, don’t laugh, try to keep a straight face, hold your hair in a certain way that makes you look like you have a mohawk, or put 10 pony tails all over your head, because THAT’S super sexy, right?  Act like you’re doing a music video and YOU are the STAR!!!

4.  If you aren’t into the Christmas lights, or Christmas movies, or Christmas music, there is no rule that you have to be.  Though it does help to realize other people do love that crazy stuff and helping them to enjoy it goes so freakin’ far.  Maybe if you try to get into it ‘for them,’ it will help you not focus on your issues or your lack of love for the holidays but refocus your energy on those other people who you love, which always seems to help me.  FOCUSING ON OTHERS and wanting to make them happy takes the pressure off of yourself and helps you to see everything in a new light.

5.  TAKING A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE, or better yet, a walk in your own back yard, in a park, in the woods, on a trail, down your country road. Just be sure you are safe, people will not hit you with their car or bike or whatever and take a nice walk OUTDOORS!  I don’t know what it is but being outside in nature, feeling the breeze on your skin, the sun in your face, the trees, leaves and grass in view, along with that amazing fresh air – well, it cleanses the senses as well as the soul.  I can get this sitting in my porch swing, listening to the birds and catching the breeze, while bundled up with a blanket and a cup of hot tea, or a walk in the back (because we live in the country), a walk to the pond and sitting on the pier to contemplate life, or just meditate.  We are trying to improve our mood, so meditation would be better than contemplating anything.   Just be close to nature and notice all the beauty that’s surrounding you.  Even if it’s cloudy or rainy or snowing, there is beauty to be had in all of that, honestly!  FIND BEAUTY everywhere you look.

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Okay, so these are my top 5 ways of finding a somewhat cheerful disposition.  Do you have any to add?

6.  Eating scrumptious food?

7.  Having a glass or two of wine?  Yeah, a little sumpin’ sumpin’ can’t hurt.  Just don’t drink and drive, because that’s – well, that’s just stupid.  And we know you’re not stupid.

8.  Look at happy pictures online.  Like – of cute babies, sweet puppies and kittens, look up funny images that are sure to make you laugh.  This has helped me.  I’ll look up crazy faces of dogs, cats and babies and it’s hilarious!  You can’t help but laugh, even if you are in the midst of tears at first!  Cracks me up every time.

funny dog

9.  Watch a funny movie!  Something with Robin Williams is THE BEST or anyone you prefer that makes you laugh so hard, your gut cramps up.

10.  And my last idea for helping you get out of the funk you’ve found yourself in?  Go volunteer.  Anywhere you like.  At a children’s hospital.  Those sweet faces love to sit in your lap and hear you read them a book!  They eat that stuff up!  Soup kitchens always need servers and it feels amazing to your heart to help those who aren’t as blessed as you are.  You might not think at this moment that you are blessed but I can promise you someone else has it so much worse than you.  When you focus on helping others, the thought of yourself and your hard times or depression/sadness/lonliness/whatever you’re going through falls away, at least for a while.  And afterwards, your heart stays lifted when you think of those people you helped.  And we all need to help others.  And we all need to feel helpful.  And our hearts can always use a lift, right?  Right.  If you need more places to volunteer, I have tons of places and things you can do, so just ask.

What else ya got?

Jumping With Joy

girl-jumping-in-the-air

Sorry, I believe I missed last week, but today is Thankful Thursday for this week, so without further ado…

I am soooo stinkin’ thankful!  Thankful for everything!  For my family.  My wonderful daughter on this #NationalDaughtersDay and every day.  My beautiful mother.  Friends that I love and love me back.  Sweet true friends that my daughter has that believe in her and lift her up.  For my generous, loving Jesus.  For my forgiving, faithful God.  For working from home with work and clients I adore.  For this new adventure I’m starting.  For words.  For film.  For good health.  For laughter.  For music.  Cooler weather.  Changing seasons and the color of leaves in the Fall.  For our home and land.  Our furballs that make life fun and funny.  Wonderful food.  Coffee.  Lots and lots of coffee.  Wine and cheese.  Chocolate.  Lots and lots of chocolate.  Road trips to our favorite places and adventures to new ones.  Mountains.  Hiking.  Baking.  Cooking.  Photography.  Writing.  The sunrise.  Sunsets.  Babies.

Ah, life is sooo good!

I’m not jumping for joy, as if joy is something I can grab out of the air, somehow out of reach, up there above me.  I’m jumping with joy.  I’m filled with joy, with happiness.  I’m so filled with joy, I can’t help but jump with gladness.

I know there’s so many more blessings I can count but I’m livin’ by a schedule – ain’t got all day! 😉

Y’all have a beautiful, wonderful, amazing, prosperous, fun, humorous, thankful and fabulous Friday Eve!  May God bless you and your families!

Love ya!  *smooch*  xoxo

What are you thankful for on this Thankful Thursday?

 

 

(Photo courtesy of gracecomesbyhearing.BlogSpot.com)

Journey From Self to Soul

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I’ve been across the great divide

A journey from self to soul

Much I’ve learned but cannot decide

The single thing that made me whole

 

At once I believed I had peaked

Would the rest be all downhill?

The incline was rigid and steep

Reaching the top, I just stood still

 

I had been blind to my own trail

Couldn’t see beyond the rocks

Couldn’t see through the clouded veil

Couldn’t see past self cast blocks

 

Standing there, I took in the air

Juniper sweet and setting sun

A larger mountain and a prayer

My journey had only begun

 

I struggled through the entire climb

More focused on resulting end

Thinking at the top, I’d win the prize

Instead it’s where I begin

 

Letting go of a place to get to

New purpose to connect each day

Joy be found in the walk and view

And souls embraced bar the way

Camp Nano Washed Out

Well, technically, Camp didn’t wash out.  I did.  It’s not for a lack of trying, mind you.  I’ve had much on my plate with work, with running after Hallie and helping her (post-surgery), running after the animals, mowing and working in the yard, cooking, cleaning, washing, going to and fro physical therapy and the list goes on.

I did manage to scribble roughly 5,000 words, not quite reaching the goal I’d set for myself of 10,000.  BUT!  I am still squeezing in time to write, even if it’s for a measly 15-30 minutes a day.  Hey, something is better than nothing, right?  Right.

I sort of messed myself up a bit to be honest.  I started back on my work of non-fiction that I started in October of last year and it’s like I had to force myself and found it to be more of a chore than fun.  I cannot write like that.  It has to be fun.  Don’t misunderstand.  Sometimes you have to glue your butt to the chair or couch or bed or porch swing or wherever it is you want to write and actually put in the time to write.  Something.  Anything.  Just to get yourself started.

Write the voices that are talking (screaming) in your head

But to sit there in angst with 100 other thoughts running through your head of what you need or want to be doing rather than having the want to sit there and write.  Well…  I cannot write like that.  It has to be fun.  After you sit there and force yourself to write, if the imagination and words are not flowing by the end of the first 30 minutes, it’s not worth it.  So I pulled away and thought to myself, “Self, while I realize finishing this book is important, you have all these voices in your head screaming at you to work on their story.  How can you focus on something completely opposite when you have your fantastical characters screaming at you to write their story?  Writing is writing.  As long as you are writing, you’re getting the job done.  But you need to listen to those voices in your head.  Listen to them.  Write their story.”

Then, I had a dream, woke up at 0:dark:30 after the dream, couldn’t go back to sleep, got up out of bed and wrote.  It was an epiphany.  I have started books 1 and 2 in a series and this dream was the story before book 1.  A new twist!  Sort of like The Hobbit movie coming out after all the Lord of the Rings movies.  It’s the back story before the story.  So, I have to say, I was a bit psyched to get up oh so early to write out everything I could remember from the dream.  And it’s funny.  The more time I spent writing it, the more details sprang up and I started remembering more of the dream, the colors, the sounds in the background, the smells, the rooms and changing environments, the action, the drama, what the characters where saying and how they were saying them.  Writing is such a wonderful trip!!  Hearing, seeing, feeling and smelling the story in your mind and writing it out is like biting into a juicy sweet peach, breathing in that heavenly fresh summery fragrance, and having the nectar drip and run down your chin and arm while savoring every last delicious bite.

If you write at all, then be proud

If you did not reach your goal for Camp Nano, don’t beat yourself up about it.  If it got you started writing and you continue every day to write, then be proud.  The real goal here is to write, to create, to spill your soul or imagination or dreams onto paper or laptop or whatever the tool is of your choosing.  But to write.  That is the goal.  So do that.  And be pleased with yourself.  Someone said once, ‘it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.’  And that is a very true statement.  The journey is the fun part, the adventure and, sometimes, the distraction from real every day life.  It’s my means of escape, though I don’t escape for long, as I love my life and the people in it.  Still, a little mini-mental-vacation is always welcome.  To imagine worlds and stories in your mind — those are some of the best vacation adventures.

So, maybe I didn’t wash out.  I started.  I wrote.  I’m writing daily.  And I will finish it eventually.  And so will you.

And if you did reach your goal for Camp, I applaud you!!  And if you didn’t reach your goal, and, still, you wrote, I applaud you, as well!  Wooooo-hooooo!!!  *clap*clap*clap*clap*wolf whistle*  Whoop!  Whoop!!