Hi! How are you? Been a bit chaotic this month? Yeah, me too. December is just full of busyness, buying, wrapping, cooking, eating, cleaning, decorating, and just endless going and doing. Well, 2016 is upon us and guess what? Yup, you guessed it, it’s time to reinvent yourself, and/or your business, and/or your passion. Not sure what it is about the year being NEW that inspires us to make changes and goals. What’s wrong with a brand NEW day? Like TODAY? Each day is another brand new chance to become the person we have always longed to be. Maybe your ideals and ideas change? Then, make changes that day. Don’t wait for a new week or month or year. Make each new day a chance to begin something or start over, because that’s what happens with each sunrise – another chance.
After much confusion and busyness and chaos and depression and indecisiveness and prayer, I finally reached a decision. I tried to be still. Not such a good thing for me when I am keyed up, depressed and worried. Because it makes me focus more on the depression and overthinking everything rather than the doing. I have to keep my hands busy, ya know? I mean, meditation is a wonderful thing and I encourage everyone to practice meditation, stillness, silence, prayer, mindfulness, but, for me, meditation and stillness has to be practiced when I am not in a state of worry, panic and overthinking. Only then can I relax my mind.
Since I was 5, my lifelong love has been writing, poetry, telling stories, writing songs – creating. The voices from my childhood get in the way sometimes, because I allow them to. I allow them to sabotage what I love, because I think somehow I don’t deserve happiness or success or joy. I find ways to distract myself from writing. I feel maybe I’ll never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough.
So, this vision came into play for the video series I finally started. I thought it was a beautiful vision. Everyone needs to tell their story, share their story. We need to hear their stories and learn from them, empathize and sympathize and connect with those stories, those storytellers. It was a beautiful project, idea, with amazing people and engaging stories. Not sure if it was God, timing, the universe redirecting me (although I thought the universe was calibrating destiny when the project fell into place), or if it was simply a lesson or two I needed to learn by committing to the project (because I have learned a ton about myself as a result). For whatever reason, the video project is at a stall, which is forcing me to overthink everything, like many, if not all, creatives do. I started to realize how much I miss writing for me, telling stories, working on my novel, writing poetry, writing songs – WRITING anything for me. I miss my characters. I started getting hungry – hungry for words – hungry for finishing that novel – hungry to re-engage with my characters (my imaginary friends).
Not sure if we are supposed to have more than one passion that we want to pursue but all I have time for is one at a time. To be worked in and played with around family and work. I know I cannot do it all, so I am choosing the one thing that’s been a part of me all my life and I am making a commitment to finish this novel, then finish book 2, then book 3, then book 4. If I never get back to the video project, then it will stay there in the back of my mind. If a miracle occurs, then I’ll have time to write and do the video project and feel utter bliss! But until that miracle happens, I will stop sabotaging my writer self, stop feeling unworthy of goodness and happiness and I will do that thing that brings me joy and release, because each day that I write, even for 30 measly minutes, I find that place of joy and release. It’s like walking through a portal to another world of magic and wonder and weightlessness. And how can I deny myself that?!
So, I am back. I don’t know how often I will blog, because I do work a lot of hours, spend a lot of time with family and leftover time will go to writing, but I’ll do my best to check in at least once a week or more if I have time.
What are your goals/ resolutions/ changes you would like to make for yourself? What plan of action/ attack are you strategizing? Get ready. You don’t have to wait for January 1. You can being implementation today. Good luck and God speed! If you need cheering on, holla! If you need an accountability partner, I’m here for you. Just drop me a comment or email me