Trying to Learn to Be Still, like I have a Choice


I realize I’ve been MIA for a while.  Sorry ’bout that.  A lot going on.  Working more than 40 hours a week, plus the video project (though that’s on hold, currently), Thanksgiving holidays, chasing after a very busy teenager, etc.

So I’m in a state of busyness and stillness, which is a bit of contradiction so let me explain.   Busy with work – super busy, but I love it.  Over 46 hours each week but I love my clients and what I do so it doesn’t feel like work.  The YouTube video thing started off pretty strong.  I got 5 ladies who were willing to interview, which is awesome, but then it’s calmed down quite a bit, so I’m unsure what’s next with this.  I thought of taking to the streets but I’m wondering if I’d be putting myself in danger with this.  You know… People.  Be.  Crazy.

So, a contact/friend of mine that works for the local paper who prints my monthly column is posting info about my project in order to get people to contact me instead of me going out trying to find people.  I’m hoping this works well.  I tried contacting different schools (public and private) but either they have stipulations that do not allow media or either they never wanted to return my emails nor phone calls.  Nice, huh?  I’d prefer a NO to nothing at all.  The principal of the local intermediate school was most gracious in the explanation as to why they couldn’t let me film the children.  I totally get it.

But I still need to interview some men and children, all people, from all walks of life.  I’m hoping and praying I get some positive feedback from the print out in the paper that should be coming out by tomorrow.  I’ll check out some local charitable organizations that help the homeless and see where I can get with that since I’m guessing they aren’t getting my emails – I’m thinking most email goes to spam, even though my name is part of the email.  Oh well.  We’ll see.  Or they could be like me and never check their email.  I check one, in particular, but the others?  Well, I’m way behind on those.  I only have so much time to do everything, ya know?  Yeah, I know ya feel me.  I know you’re busy, too.  Tis the season.  Every day.

As for my book, I had to stop working on that to pursue this video project thingy, so that’s at a standstill also.  Don’t you just wish sometimes God would lean his head down and tell you what it is you need to do now?  Like, “Wait on this.  Do this.”  Or, “forget about that, do this.”  Or, “you need to find time to do all of it.  Figure out a schedule where you can fit 46+ work hours in, 12 hours of interviewing and editing and posting video, and put in time for family and finishing your book.”  So, God, can you please add more hours to each week?  Some things I will not skimp on and that’s family time.  And my work.  And anything else that I care about, but I don’t have time for everything I care about so I have to sacrifice a little, right?  I don’t want to kill myself over stretching myself so thin that I don’t sleep.

Argh!  So much to figure out.  But all I can do at this point is wait on the creative projects until I guess a week after the piece comes out in the paper.  If I haven’t gotten calls in a week, nobody is gonna call.  I’m thinking I may get too many calls and then every week (one day per week) will be booked for months, which would be truly awesome!  At the same time, my writing will suffer, because no extra time to work on that book.  Bummer.  Sometimes, I truly do not know what the most important thing is.  I’m guessing the video thing is because it’s helping people, even though it hasn’t had as much exposure as I would have liked but perhaps once I get the videos and channel more out there and work on my editing skills, improving those as I go along, I think people’s stories will help others.  Telling your story helps you and hearing other’s stories helps you, so it’s a win-win, right?  How can sharing stories be wrong?  I felt I was answering the vision God put in my head.  But if all I get is a standstill, what does that tell me except to be still.  It’s like being in the military all over again.  Hurry up and wait.  Do it but wait.  Not dissing the military but they can be pretty slow when completing certain tasks, just like the government and pretty much anything else in life, right?  Hurry up and wait.  Lovely.  I did NOT pray for patience even though I know I need it.  I suppose I didn’t have much extra time this past week to interview and this week is stacked pretty high except for Friday, so we’ll see what happens.

Prayers and positive vibes are all welcome treasures, if you don’t mind.  I could use some of each.  For now, I’ll just work and press on and pray and hope I get some nice calls from some cool people and I’ll keep you posted.  I’ll try to do better about posting to the blog, too.  I may not do the hump day haiku unless I get feedback from some peeps who are truly interested in reading and participating with those.  Maybe I’ll get back to Thankfulness Thursday.  It’s pretty important to remain thankful every day.  Helps to just get through life, ya know?  I thought about adding something on Monday and Friday but I’ll get back to you on that.

So how was your Thanksgiving?  Or Friendsgiving?  Or do you not celebrate either?  I realize it’s not for everyone and not every county celebrates Thanksgiving.  I cooked a good bit and ate a great bit!  Still have leftovers.  I got my bootie on that treadmill a little while ago and walked and ran and I plan to do that again 2 or 3 times today.  Tell me about your long weekend and how you celebrated or if you did.  I miss chatting with you guys and I hope you are well!!  Ready for Christmas?  Haha!

Love you!

Carol  xoxo


Photo courtesy of

God Whispering or is it My Own Crazy Mind?


Happy day, y’all!  And Happy Veterans Day!!  Thanks to all those who have served our country and thanks to all the family members and friends who have supported our vets!  Y’all rock!


So, I realize I’ve not been writing much lately.  Seems I’ve only been trying to get the word out about my video project.  I’m coming to a rough patch.  Not sure if it’s a fork in the road, a roadblock or just a few limbs I need to get out of my way.  I’m hoping I can explain the sitch and perhaps some of you fine people can be objective and tell me what you see.

So, I work for this magazine.  I absolutely LOVE the magazine and the work I do.  Love the people I work with (remotely).  I say remotely, because the mag is in another state.  I’m freelance.  All my work and clients are in other states.  But I love my clients and all the work I do, so when my favorite client offered me more hours, how could I say no?!  For one thing, I need the money.  My car is falling apart.  I mean, why shouldn’t it be?  It’s 13 years old.  And it’s a Ford.  I will never buy another one.  Plus, the extra hours will help me with Christmas, etc.

The one downfall to the more hours thing is that it makes things a bit more difficult with my YouTube video project.  Each week, I’ll be working 46 hours per week for other clients (I cut one client loose, so I wouldn’t have 56 per week again).  Keeping the video project up and running will take 12-16 hours per week, so we’re talking 58-62 hours of work each week, but I don’t get paid for the video project.  But I love the video project and I feel I just have to do it.

Well, I don’t know if this is God trying to tell me to pause the video project or if he’s testing me to see how badly I want it.  I mean, what else could he be saying?  (1) ‘I’m going to give you all this new work so it’s nearly impossible for you to have time for your video project,’ or (2) ‘I won’t give you more than you can handle.  If you want to do this video thingy badly enough, you’ll find a way to get it all done, while also getting in your 46 hours of work each week.  You’ll be falling down tired but you got this.  You’re tough.  Show me ya want it.’

So what am I being told here?  I’m sure you don’t know anymore than I do but perhaps you can offer insight since my mind is shot right now.  I’m pretty dense sometimes.  I can be reaaaaaally slow so I may not be seeing the bigger picture.

And besides the fact that I have all these other hours, how long does it take to get the word out about a new video series?  How do you get the word out?  I know squat about what I’m doing.  I’m totally learning as I go.  So it’s amazing to me that I have any subscribers to my channel at all.  But besides social media, how do I let the world know about my YouTube video series?  Anybody that knows anything about this, please pass me some words of knowledge, because I’m lost here.  I’ve done so much reading up on this and learning new stuff, my eyes are crossed.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if The Big Dude could just lean down his sweet but big strong respected head down and say, “Here, this.  It’s this, right here.  This is what I want for you.  This is what you need to do right now.”  Or else, “No, stop.  Set it aside for now. Come back to it later.”  Or even, “No, no more.  You did what you needed to do.  I just wanted to see if you’d do what I told you to.  You did and now, stop.”

I’m so utterly confused.


What is my heart and mind telling me to do?  And is it God whispering or is it my own crazy mind?


My heart and mind say, “Okay, you asked for the video equipment.  God sent it to you through friends.  You asked for the right questions to ask.  God sent them.  You asked for courage and confidence.  God gave you the courage and the wee might of confidence to start this thing and request permission from establishments the allowance and space for you to conduct interviews.  Then he gave you the same to go up and ask these strangers if they’d talk to you.  That took guts.  Then, you interviewed, you made connections, you made friends, you related to people on a deeper level.  Then, you learned and are learning how to edit video.  That’s not a small task.  You finished 4.2 interviews (one got cut short due to an emergency bldg shutdown) and you put up pieces of these interviews on YouTube.  You started social media for your cause.  You’re trying to get the word out.  This is just the beginning.  These people’s stories need to be told, need to be shared. There are so many out there who need to hear these stories. So many have stories to share. Don’t stop now. This is only the beginning and when you start something new, if it is meaningful, it’s going to be harder to do it. That’s when the devil gets in your way. It’s God allowing the devil to test you. He can’t do anything without God’s permission. So withstand the tiredness, the stress, the doubt, the asking for signs and just do that friggin’ thing!  Be awesome at it, because you can be.  You are willing to learn new stuff and do new stuff and that’s the beginning of brilliance!  Don’t you know?  It all starts with an idea, a thought.  You put action toward that thought/idea, you start to make something. You learn as you go and you keep trying, you have passion, you have drive, motivation, and more than that, you have a new dream you can’t not see it in existence.  It’s just something you have to do and you don’t let anything get in the way of that. Remember what’s important: God, Jesus, your family, your dreams, and they can all go together as a combo. So, yes, Carol, it will be hard, there may be road blocks from time to time just to test you but you are tough stuff and you’ve done harder stuff than this. Get past the road block, work through it, go over it, crawl under it, move around it or bust through it with effing dynamite, but get past it and don’t stop until you reach your goals.”

So, that was a nice little chat I had with myself. I guess I should start calling this blog ‘my diary?’  Geez!  So, I guess I’ve worked through some of my issues and hope I’ve maybe helped someone else with theirs.  Who knows.  If y’all have any input on the other, like how to get the word out, I’m all ears!!  HALP?

I’ll try to stick my head in once in a while to say hello.  Sorry I’ve been tangled up in other stuff.  I miss you guys.  xoxo


Love ya!



me blowing kiss

Fear Can Kiss My Rear

no fear

I realize I’m a day late with my haiku this week.  Was a c-rAZY day yesterday!  2 interviews and they were back to back and I tend to get carried away when talking to people, so it went longer than 2 hours.  I’m just lucky I got home before 2pm.  Had a great time talking with these lovely people and looking forward to posting the new YouTube vid this weekend!  It’ll be a little different than the last one.  Learning as I go…

Anywho, without further ado…

I felt so much fear
God told me to get in gear
Fear can kiss my rear

Yup!  Fear can most definitely kiss my big ole rump!  I’m tired of giving him the upper hand.  It’s time to take my life back.  Whether I fear that thing or not, I’m gonna do that thing anyway!

If y’all have a haiku you’d like to share, please do!  It can be one reflecting your week or just about any old thing.  Excited to hear what you come with.

And if you happen to check out my YouTube video (1st ever), please give me some tips on how you think I can make it better.  I need all the help I can get.  Just Google “meaningoflifeinitiative youtube” or click here.

Thanks!  Love yooze guys!!  (smooches)

(Photo courtesy of Pinterest)

It is a Small World After All


So I’ve been thinking for a while now about how far we’ve fallen into the abyss of societal escapism.  I mean, we’ve become a selfie society.  It seems to be about “me, me, me.”  And it’s been bothering me for a while.  What could I do about it?  I’m just one person.  What can one person do?

Some time last year, I had a vision.  It seemed like a great idea but I had no time to work on it and I had to fill my hours with work so I could attempt to pay my bills and feed my child.  So I figured it was just another one of those pipe dreams, too far out of reach for me, and put it off.  We all have those, right?  Great ideas about making the world a little bit better than how we found it?  Finding a way to connect people?  Help the planet?  Help somebody?  We have the want but how do we put that into actionable steps and make it happen?

Then, I shared my idea with a client (now employer/magazine) and was given the go-ahead, so I put an ad on Facebook to my buds asking for video equipment if anyone wanted to donate to this cause.  I got an awesome offer from a longtime friend and VOILA! I got my video camera for the project I wanted to start.

Then the magazine explains they got ahead of themselves and decided it wasn’t in the budget, so this became my baby.  But I was confused.  Maybe I wasn’t supposed to do this?  How am I going to find the time to do this and not get paid?  I worked 46-56 hours a week.  I said a prayer.  Then POOF!  One of my clients dropped some hours due to their budget and I had the time.  Plus, I had the camera, which some dear trusted friends explained was as Mike said, “It’s the universe calibrating destiny.”  That’s the best thing I could have heard at that moment and I was off on a mission.

Don’t misunderstand.  I was scared as hell.  It’s so not me, going up to complete strangers and asking if I can interview them, asking them personal questions, digging into their private lives.  Of course, they could say no, and some did.  And they were given the option of skipping whatever questions they didn’t want to answer, which some did.  And the first day I was to go out and do these interviews?  Well, I nearly chickened out.  The things that stopped me from giving in?  Friends and family who believed me to be courageous, which I don’t recall ever being described as such, which gifted me with empowerment and confidence and a wee might of faith.  That wasn’t all.

The fact I received that camera was God telling me that he had something for me to do.  Be it scary, yes, I was full of fear and anxiety and then I thought of Henry Fonda.  He got sick before every stage performance and he got up and got out there anyway.  And he was bloody brilliant!  So, he gave me power and belief.  I will fear it and I will do it anyway.  My friend donated this camera.  I have to do it!  There’s no turning back now.

I mean, what if?  What if I am meant to do it and it turns out great and these people share their stories and it helps other people in the world?  I will have made a difference, along with a ton of awesome people helping me get it out there, since without them, there’d be no stories.

Once I listened to my first interview, I have to say, my knees were knocking and my teeth were chattering and my voice was shaking but I don’t even think she noticed.  She talked to me like we were good friends.  And we related.  And I nearly cried.  And we laughed.  And we shared.  And I made a great new friend that day.  After it was over, the camera was off and we kept talking, I realized about 90% of my fear was gone.

Now I knew what to expect.  The second interview?  Well, I don’t believe I was even 10% nervous about it.  And the second one went even better.  And another new friend.

Yes!  This life is about connections.  It’s about relating with people, helping them, listening to them, learning from them and yes, even teaching them.  We all have gifts and maybe we don’t even realize that we each have something special to offer these people out in the world.  We all have a story.  We all have life lessons and we can share with each other and become better for it.  And we can connect with these people.  We can see ourselves in them.

I say it’s time to stop hiding.  Put down the cell phone and the iPad, take off the bluetooth earpiece.  And start talking with those around you.  Connect.  It’s what life is about.  Think about it.  We are all family here.  We all are offspring from one family and we will go home to one family.

It’s not a huge contribution but I stepped outside my comfort zone and said, okay, I’ll try this.  I’ll listen and record their stories and get them out there for those of you who are ready to connect and to listen and to build family.  We are all one people.  Don’t you think it’s time we start acting like it?

Here’s my first documentary in a series, which is segments of two interviews bound into one video, I finally had the chance to upload late last night.  I hope you like it.  Please feel free to comment, tell me your thoughts on the YouTube video or here or on my Facebook page.  Like.  Subscribe.  Share.  Help us grow into one overgrown family.  Who knows?  Maybe one day I’ll have a chance to actually travel, go to other states, maybe even other countries.  You can help shrink the planet, ’cause it is a small world after all.

That was the link.  You can also find it by typing in meaningoflifeinitiative youtube – that’s what it’s called – Meaning of Life Initiative or “MOLI” (pronounced Molly).

Any questions?

Love y’all!!  xoxo

Flyin’ By the Seat o’ My Pants! Geez!

flying squirrel
Hey y’all! Happy Hump Day Haiku! Hope all of you cool peeps are doing well and have had an enjoyable and productive week, thus far. So, here’s my haiku. I will most likely have news to share on Friday (or before then) and a link for y’all to watch on YouTube, so hang on tight to your britches, kids, ’cause I’m flyin’ by the seat of mine!
Will be up this week
So all y’all can take a peek
Then for your critique
Whatcha got? ;) xoxo

Happy for Answered Prayers & Showers of Blessings



Good morning, sweeeeeeeeeet neighbors!!!!  Shweeeet friends!  Happy Thankful Thursday to you and I do hope you have much to be thankful for.

I will spare you the million and one things I usually name that I’m thankful for but I’ll always be adding family as that is my number 1, and my sweet friends out there like you, which are part of my number 1.  And God and Jesus that are not only part of my number 1, but part of everything I am and do.  I’m far from perfect, sooooo far, but I try hard every day to make them glad at me.  I use that phrase ‘glad at me’ as my daughter, Hallie, asked me that once when she was about 3 and I’ve never forgotten that sweet question from that precious baby, “Mama, are you glad at me?”  Oof, I’m missing her like crazy right now.  Wish I could squeeze her, but alas, she’s at school, so I have to wait till 3.  ;)

Have you ever stepped waaaaay outside your comfort zone and tried something you could never see yourself doing?  Have I told y’all about my video project?  I have been a little hushed about details as I feel talking about it beforehand sort of jinxes myself.  Perhaps that sounds odd.  I just like to be taking action doing the thing and have some sort of flow going or even be finished with a certain amount of steps before I mention.  But since I did get my first major step completed, I’ll talk a little about it.

I had a vision last year for this project.  It just popped into my little imagination.  It was so clear.  Life gets in the way and all that and it got pushed to a back burner to simmer for a while.  Well, it’s been simmering for a year and certain things came into play within the last 2 months that told me I need to get my rear in gear on this project.

I asked God, “If you want me to do this thing, please show me the way.  I cannot work 46-56 hours a week and do the project, but I do need to pay my bills, so please don’t take away any clients.”

The very next week, my biggest client cut my hours, as she needed to stay closer to her budget.  Nothing too threatening but just enough to allow me to still pay my bills (barely) and have time to go out and engage with people.  A beloved friend donated an awesome video camera for the project – a very generous donation.  Other great friends were praying for me and the project, the questions I’d ask, the interviews, the confidence, calmness, soothing of my anxiety, ’cause I was so sure I was either gonna faint or get sick.  So many amazing people believe in me and this project and it made such a difference in my taking action.  I have to say, I got close to chickening out, because of my fear and lack of confidence but I asked myself, “Do you just want to stay shut up in that house every day?  I mean, writing is awesome and it’s one of your dreams and it’s fantastic but this is a great vision, too.  What if something comes of all this?  What if people actually like it?  What if you can relate to these people on a deeper level and really connect with people?  What if people watching and listening to their stories realize they’re not so alone? What if I can (only as a go between) actually shrink the planet through connections and stories?  How cool would that be?  You can always get back to writing after you have this project up and running smoothly.”

So after 1, 2, 3, 4 rejections, I finally got a yes, and while I was interviewing this sweet person, I received several lookers-on also express interest so I’ll be going back to get more interviews!  What a wonderful interview that was yesterday!  What a wonderful lady I talked with, so deep, so compassionate, so thoughtful.  I feel like I have a bit more faith in humanity.  I feel a bit more positive about people.  I had so many great conversations with these several people yesterday and my jitters were put to rest.  So crazy, right?  I made some new friends, and this project is starting to take flight!

Now to spend the time I need editing.  But at least I have done a bit and have my feet good and wet so I know better about what I’m doing.  I cannot wait to get the videos loaded so I can share them with you guys!!!  Won’t be long now!


OH, and I’m thankful Hallie had a wonderful Sweet 16 in New Orleans.  I took her and Mama and one of Hallie’s best friends (which I also consider a daughter), Sierra, and we all had a fabulous time.  Hadn’t been in years and it’s only 2.5 hours away!  We walked and walked for miles, all day and night.  I cannot believe my baby is 16.  *sniff*

I love you guys!  xoxo

What are you thankful for today?  What great things have been going on in your life this week?


(Photos courtesy of ME – Haha! –