God Whispering or is it My Own Crazy Mind?

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Happy day, y’all!  And Happy Veterans Day!!  Thanks to all those who have served our country and thanks to all the family members and friends who have supported our vets!  Y’all rock!

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So, I realize I’ve not been writing much lately.  Seems I’ve only been trying to get the word out about my video project.  I’m coming to a rough patch.  Not sure if it’s a fork in the road, a roadblock or just a few limbs I need to get out of my way.  I’m hoping I can explain the sitch and perhaps some of you fine people can be objective and tell me what you see.

So, I work for this magazine.  I absolutely LOVE the magazine and the work I do.  Love the people I work with (remotely).  I say remotely, because the mag is in another state.  I’m freelance.  All my work and clients are in other states.  But I love my clients and all the work I do, so when my favorite client offered me more hours, how could I say no?!  For one thing, I need the money.  My car is falling apart.  I mean, why shouldn’t it be?  It’s 13 years old.  And it’s a Ford.  I will never buy another one.  Plus, the extra hours will help me with Christmas, etc.

The one downfall to the more hours thing is that it makes things a bit more difficult with my YouTube video project.  Each week, I’ll be working 46 hours per week for other clients (I cut one client loose, so I wouldn’t have 56 per week again).  Keeping the video project up and running will take 12-16 hours per week, so we’re talking 58-62 hours of work each week, but I don’t get paid for the video project.  But I love the video project and I feel I just have to do it.

Well, I don’t know if this is God trying to tell me to pause the video project or if he’s testing me to see how badly I want it.  I mean, what else could he be saying?  (1) ‘I’m going to give you all this new work so it’s nearly impossible for you to have time for your video project,’ or (2) ‘I won’t give you more than you can handle.  If you want to do this video thingy badly enough, you’ll find a way to get it all done, while also getting in your 46 hours of work each week.  You’ll be falling down tired but you got this.  You’re tough.  Show me ya want it.’

So what am I being told here?  I’m sure you don’t know anymore than I do but perhaps you can offer insight since my mind is shot right now.  I’m pretty dense sometimes.  I can be reaaaaaally slow so I may not be seeing the bigger picture.

And besides the fact that I have all these other hours, how long does it take to get the word out about a new video series?  How do you get the word out?  I know squat about what I’m doing.  I’m totally learning as I go.  So it’s amazing to me that I have any subscribers to my channel at all.  But besides social media, how do I let the world know about my YouTube video series?  Anybody that knows anything about this, please pass me some words of knowledge, because I’m lost here.  I’ve done so much reading up on this and learning new stuff, my eyes are crossed.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if The Big Dude could just lean down his sweet but big strong respected head down and say, “Here, this.  It’s this, right here.  This is what I want for you.  This is what you need to do right now.”  Or else, “No, stop.  Set it aside for now. Come back to it later.”  Or even, “No, no more.  You did what you needed to do.  I just wanted to see if you’d do what I told you to.  You did and now, stop.”

I’m so utterly confused.

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What is my heart and mind telling me to do?  And is it God whispering or is it my own crazy mind?

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My heart and mind say, “Okay, you asked for the video equipment.  God sent it to you through friends.  You asked for the right questions to ask.  God sent them.  You asked for courage and confidence.  God gave you the courage and the wee might of confidence to start this thing and request permission from establishments the allowance and space for you to conduct interviews.  Then he gave you the same to go up and ask these strangers if they’d talk to you.  That took guts.  Then, you interviewed, you made connections, you made friends, you related to people on a deeper level.  Then, you learned and are learning how to edit video.  That’s not a small task.  You finished 4.2 interviews (one got cut short due to an emergency bldg shutdown) and you put up pieces of these interviews on YouTube.  You started social media for your cause.  You’re trying to get the word out.  This is just the beginning.  These people’s stories need to be told, need to be shared. There are so many out there who need to hear these stories. So many have stories to share. Don’t stop now. This is only the beginning and when you start something new, if it is meaningful, it’s going to be harder to do it. That’s when the devil gets in your way. It’s God allowing the devil to test you. He can’t do anything without God’s permission. So withstand the tiredness, the stress, the doubt, the asking for signs and just do that friggin’ thing!  Be awesome at it, because you can be.  You are willing to learn new stuff and do new stuff and that’s the beginning of brilliance!  Don’t you know?  It all starts with an idea, a thought.  You put action toward that thought/idea, you start to make something. You learn as you go and you keep trying, you have passion, you have drive, motivation, and more than that, you have a new dream you can’t not see it in existence.  It’s just something you have to do and you don’t let anything get in the way of that. Remember what’s important: God, Jesus, your family, your dreams, and they can all go together as a combo. So, yes, Carol, it will be hard, there may be road blocks from time to time just to test you but you are tough stuff and you’ve done harder stuff than this. Get past the road block, work through it, go over it, crawl under it, move around it or bust through it with effing dynamite, but get past it and don’t stop until you reach your goals.”

So, that was a nice little chat I had with myself. I guess I should start calling this blog ‘my diary?’  Geez!  So, I guess I’ve worked through some of my issues and hope I’ve maybe helped someone else with theirs.  Who knows.  If y’all have any input on the other, like how to get the word out, I’m all ears!!  HALP?

I’ll try to stick my head in once in a while to say hello.  Sorry I’ve been tangled up in other stuff.  I miss you guys.  xoxo

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Love ya!

Carol

*smooches*

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2 thoughts on “God Whispering or is it My Own Crazy Mind?

  1. cobbies69 says:

    I am not one for giving advice because I am not confident enough to believe it to be useful etc. My only one thing is that family must come first, until life relents a little and gives you more time to pursue your project. Enjoy the moment until a new moment comes.

    Like

  2. udoji75 says:

    Please Carol ! don’t stress up yourself too much. God has given you the idea and the energy to go about it and let nothing pull you down. I pray that God will continue to strengthen you and give you the ability to manage your time. Be happy and have fun. Remain blessed ! 🙂

    Like

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