Just a quick 10 minute break from work. Up at 2am this morning to try and complete my daily work load. For a while now, I’ve been working 7 days a week, up at anytime from 1am to 4am to work till 230pm to 530pm. I work from home. I receive 4-5 hours of sleep per night usually. Sometimes, I stay up and work till 1130pm. It can make you crazy but the perks of working from home are too many to count, especially when you get to spend more time with your child. However, I’ve been so drained lately, my quality of time with my child has not been where I want it to be. Yes, we fit fun things in like Christmas shopping, creating our annual gingerbread house, watching Christmas movies, playing games, etc. but I would love more free time to work on my creative projects like creative writing. I’ve had a few books in the works and have had no time to work on them – not since maybe October. I wanted to start a video project but haven’t had time for that, either.
Do you sometimes wonder, “What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to be doing? What does God want me to do? What’s God’s plan for my life? Am I supposed to ever finish my books? Am I supposed to produce my video series? Will I ever have time to read again?” On one hand, I want to take action and just do it. On the other, I know that if I don’t get my work done each day, I won’t get paid, thus my bills will go unpaid. I pray. I try, try, try to have faith. Some days, my faith is strong. Other days, not so much. Yesterday, I had peace on my heart that God will deliver me from this endless cycle of lack of sleep, constant busy work, daily struggle to a place where I’m meant to be. Today, a little less peace.
But am I meant to be in this struggle right now? Those sayings, “It’s darkest before the dawn,” and all those others where it’s telling you to hang on, because the struggle of today will turn into triumph and victory tomorrow… I want to believe this. I know God has a plan. He’s just not sharing it with me right now. My faith is constantly tested. Is yours? Do you give up at times? Is this struggle supposed to be strengthening me? I never pray for strength as this has not played out well in the past. Be careful what you pray for. I have prayed for patience, which was my mistake, as when I do, I am made to wait and wait and wait.
I’ll stop rambling and get back to work, since time is ticking away. Praying daily for God to show me a huge hint, to show me if I’m to ever have free time again, to enlarge my hourly contracts rather than these piddly fixed rate contracts, not to say I’m not thankful. I am thankful for work and income, believe me. I just want to make a difference. I want to do something that brings me joy and brings others joy and help them. I have so much to say and it seems I never have enough time to say it. Is God trying to tell me I talk too much? LOL
Just a thought. Hanging in there. Praying. Believing. Trying to keep the faith.
What do you do in times like these? When you lose sleep and have to constantly work and have no free time to even clean your house? When you are frustrated because you have no free time to take action? How do you hang on and keep that faith strong? Please share your tips. Maybe they’ll help me and others. We can greatly benefit from your ideas and wisdom.