Waiting For Answers

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Just a quick 10 minute break from work.  Up at 2am this morning to try and complete my daily work load.  For a while now, I’ve been working 7 days a week, up at anytime from 1am to 4am to work till 230pm to 530pm.  I work from home.  I receive 4-5 hours of sleep per night usually.  Sometimes, I stay up and work till 1130pm.  It can make you crazy but the perks of working from home are too many to count, especially when you get to spend more time with your child.  However, I’ve been so drained lately, my quality of time with my child has not been where I want it to be.  Yes, we fit fun things in like Christmas shopping, creating our annual gingerbread house, watching Christmas movies, playing games, etc. but I would love more free time to work on my creative projects like creative writing.  I’ve had a few books in the works and have had no time to work on them – not since maybe October.  I wanted to start a video project but haven’t had time for that, either.

Do you sometimes wonder, “What am I supposed to do?  What am I supposed to be doing?  What does God want me to do?  What’s God’s plan for my life?  Am I supposed to ever finish my books?  Am I supposed to produce my video series?  Will I ever have time to read again?”  On one hand, I want to take action and just do it.  On the other, I know that if I don’t get my work done each day, I won’t get paid, thus my bills will go unpaid.  I pray.  I try, try, try to have faith.  Some days, my faith is strong.  Other days, not so much.  Yesterday, I had peace on my heart that God will deliver me from this endless cycle of lack of sleep, constant busy work, daily struggle to a place where I’m meant to be.  Today, a little less peace.

But am I meant to be in this struggle right now?  Those sayings, “It’s darkest before the dawn,” and all those others where it’s telling you to hang on, because the struggle of today will turn into triumph and victory tomorrow…  I want to believe this.  I know God has a plan.  He’s just not sharing it with me right now.  My faith is constantly tested.  Is yours?  Do you give up at times?  Is this struggle supposed to be strengthening me?  I never pray for strength as this has not played out well in the past.  Be careful what you pray for.  I have prayed for patience, which was my mistake, as when I do, I am made to wait and wait and wait.

I’ll stop rambling and get back to work, since time is ticking away.  Praying daily for God to show me a huge hint, to show me if I’m to ever have free time again, to enlarge my hourly contracts rather than these piddly fixed rate contracts, not to say I’m not thankful.  I am thankful for work and income, believe me.  I just want to make a difference.  I want to do something that brings me joy and brings others joy and help them.  I have so much to say and it seems I never have enough time to say it.  Is God trying to tell me I talk too much?  LOL

Just a thought.  Hanging in there.  Praying.  Believing.  Trying to keep the faith.

What do you do in times like these?  When you lose sleep and have to constantly work and have no free time to even clean your house?  When you are frustrated because you have no free time to take action?  How do you hang on and keep that faith strong?  Please share your tips.  Maybe they’ll  help me and others.  We can greatly benefit from your ideas and wisdom.

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Author: Carol B Sessums

I'm a person just like you who wants to find ways to better my life - not to just better myself, but to become extraordinary and to love my life.

6 thoughts on “Waiting For Answers”

  1. It helps to have someone by your side to encourage you through those times. Even just talking out your frustrations can help to overcome that hurdle. Don’t worry about the unimportant things (like cleaning your house). Instead think of what you are doing for your child. Your workload at the moment will not last forever. Focus on that fact that you are able to spend more time with your child than if you weren’t working from home. As for the writing. The time will come.

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    1. So true. I can always count on Mama, Hallie, another best friend and you! And so many friends I’ve been blessed with. I love the friends I’ve met through the blogosphere! You made me smile when you said not to worry about the unimportant things like cleaning my house. LOL! Yeah, it’ll always be here, right? Ha! Yes, always putting Hallie first. So blessed to be home with Hallie. Thanks dear friend!
      🙂

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      1. That is something I learned to do – not worry about the state of the house. When they are grown, children do not remember whether the home was messy. What they remember is the time spent doing fun things with mom. My girls are now just turned teenagers and they often speak about things we used to do together when they were smaller. That is what is the precious gold.

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      2. You are sooo right! Hallie tells me every day how much she loves me and appreciates me and talks about the fun things we did together when she was younger, also. That’s my joy – making fond memories for her so she can look at her life and remember so many fun times and know how much she’s loved. It’s all about the TIME we SPEND with those we love the most. Okay, I feel better now. Thank you!! 🙂

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  2. Close your eyes and your mind and the important things to you and your family.. food on the table and your lovely family by your side. All else will fall your way when the time is right for you and your family…there is always light in the tunnel…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I need to focus more on my family instead of worrying so much about not having time for other stuff. They’re the most important to me anyway. And yes, being happy I can pay the bills and have food on the table. The rest, all in good time. So right! Thanks, sweet brother. 🙂

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