It’s mostly the waking up from anesthesia that worries me. She came through just fine. Surgery was a complete success plus she got the screw removed from the other knee. That sucker was bigger than we realized! She kept it as a souvenir to go along with her battle scars. She doesn’t care about the scars, though. I’m so glad. I know myself well enough to know the scars would bother me. Not her! She’s tough stuff and grounded and well rounded enough to not let things as trivial as a few scars get her down.
No, what bothers her is not being mobile for a week and on crutches for 8 and Physical Therapy 3 times a week for about 12. What bothers her is the pain once the nerve block and iv drugs wear off. At least she has pain meds. I can’t imagine that level of pain. I can’t imagine that level of stress. To have to start her first year of high school on crutches and have someone help her with her backpack and help prop her leg up in a chair in each class. My heart hurts. But that’s nothing compared to her pain. The sadness she feels and the anger, resentment and blame she holds against her body since she feels as though her body has failed her in some way.
But she’s home now in my bed so I can better care for her every 3-4 hours around the clock, and so she can watch tv. Both her legs are propped up on a rolled sleeping bag. She’s asleep, catching up on much needed rest since she pretty much didn’t sleep a wink last night. I think I’ll go to the bathroom in a few to have a good cry and she won’t have to be subjected. Oh, you know us mamas. We have to stay tough until it’s all over with. Then we can go hide and cry and relieve a little bit of the tension. We wish we could bear the pain and struggle for our children. Wish it was just that easy.
At least, if she’s still interested, she can start soccer again next year. Not too late to get a scholarship. Both her knees will be fixed and the doc says there’ll be nothing she can’t do 6 months from now. Thank You, God/Jesus! You guys are awesome and You know how very special You are to us! Huge thanks to my sweet, sweet Mama, who goes through everything with us. We are three peas in a pod. She helps us so much with her love, sweetness and emotional support. I love you, Mama! And Hallie loves you soooo much, too! Thanks to the surgeon who is sooo brilliant (and everyone who assisted)! Thanks to you all, our dear friends, for your prayers. It means more than you know.
*squishes and smooches*