I had prayed for months to be able to work from home and be there for my daughter, and He gave that to me. I was blessed enough to work from home for almost a year. Not long ago, I was stressing over surgery bills and wondering how I was going to get through having more expenses than income. I applied at all of the law firms and continued to pray for God to show me what to do. I felt certain He didn’t send me home to raise my daughter only for a year and then send me out to be away from her again.
I got a call from one of the firms, the main one I did not want to work with. I worked with them for 1.5 months and it told me everything I needed to know. Yes, I needed to keep praying and stay home. It helped me catch up on bills but it was scraping the bottom of the barrel. The class of people I worked with was more sinful than I’ve ever been around in my life. The clientele base was horrible, as well. I knew better than to apply for that job and to take it. Everything starting from the first day was telling me I did not belong there. I did what I had to do to drum up more work from home and once I got a new contract to go with my other two that kept an open invitation for me, I quit the law firm. Usually, I have integrity and give 2 weeks’ notice but they lied to me to get me to work for them. They made all these false promises with the intention of never following through. So I didn’t owe them anything. I owed it to myself to do what was right for me.
God was trying to tell me to be patient, one of my strongest weaknesses. He was trying to tell me to hold on, keep praying, keep looking for another contract so I could stay home. I let depression, stress, anxiety, doubt and fear overrule my faith and dependence on God. It’s hard to see the truth when you are in the darkness of despair and confused as to what the right thing is for you to do. When you have bills you cannot afford, you may stress like I did. You can’t hear what God is trying to tell you. Possibly, because you aren’t listening to Him anymore. Our connection to Him is blocked when we worry, when we doubt, when we fear, when we are uncertain. His side of the connection is always open. It is us who blocks it. It may be unintentional. We don’t mean to block it. We don’t mean to worry or doubt or fear. It’s the human condition. We must learn to keep that connection open. To do this, we must be patient, pray, have faith He will show us the way and help us. To doubt and worry is to not have faith in God; to not believe He will take care of us. I’m talking to myself here, too.
We must practice a “minute mindfulness,” which means to be mindful every minute. Mindful that God is always in control. Mindful that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Mindful that He will bring us to that place where we need to be. All we need to do is believe He has a plan and have faith that He will fulfill His promises to us. We just need to FROG out – Fully Rely On God.
Thank You, Lord, for opening my eyes and showing me the truth, even when I doubted You. You are too good to me. For always loving me and looking out for me, for always answering my prayers in one way or another, for your forgiveness, for all you give and do for me, and especially for Your Son, Jesus, I know I’m blessed. Thank You, Father.