Are ya singin’? I knew I’d been offline for a little while, but didn’t realize it was over a month. Sorry. Again. I have been so busy trying to adjust my new schedule, and just hangin’ out with my kiddo, since she’s out for summer. I have undergone many changes in my life and it’s exciting, nerve-wrecking, as well as relaxing most days. So what have I been doing? Well, I turned in my 2 weeks notice to the monster boss. Yes!!! I had been with that place for a little over a year, no insurance, no retirement plan, and was promised a raise after 4 or 6 months. Never got one. The girl who had been there 2 years had never received a raise. Now, she has resigned, as well. She and I both deserved better. We deserve to be appreciated. I can learn to go without medical insurance, as I’m a pretty healthy person, thank the Lord. Hallie is covered under her dad’s insurance. Plus, I can always go to the VA if I have to, but usually when I do get sick, I just wait it out and get better naturally, with a few days time. Retirement plan? I will have to reestablish one eventually, but no time soon.
So, my last day with that company was May 21st and oh, what a joyful day that was!! When the leaving part of the day came, I mean. No more 30-40 minute commutes there and 30-50 minute commutes home, depending on traffic, of course. I was paying anywhere from $50 to $75 every 4 days for gas alone. No more of that. Hallie is out of school for the summer, so no 20 minute commutes to school and then 20 minutes back + the commute to work. We can sleep late, which means no getting up at 4:00 or 4:30am. Joy! It all started with a little conversation I had with God…
I was struggling. Really struggling to find another job. I could not understand why I could not find something else. I was miserable working for the monster boss, being intimidated by him, his making me and the other girl cry on several occasions. Can you say Jerkwad?! Well, he was one. I’m sure he still is, but not my problem. Anywho, I reached a point where eventually I went off on him when he talked down to me as if I was a stupid person. You take it long enough and eventually you just blow up! I said, “I’d appreciate it if you did NOT talk to me like that!” I think it kind of scared him. He was speechless for once. When I just blurted it out, it kind of scared me, too. I was afraid I’d get fired, but at that moment, I halfway didn’t care. I was not going to take that anymore. So, he became a tiny bit nicer. Some days, it even seemed as if he took a bottle of nice pills. SOME days. Go figure. I reached a point where I believed I learned how to deal with people like him. And let me tell you, I’ve worked for some devils. I used to work in law firms if that tells you anything. Attorneys are a different breed of people. They just are. This monster boss, however, was the worst ever. And he wasn’t even an attorney!
I also realized that I’d been sent to that office to befriend the other girl that worked there. At first, she had her walls up higher than mine if you can figure that. I thought I was the most untrusting person on the planet. Nope. She would not let me in. Those walls were fortress strong. She was going through some personal issues and I was so worried about her and tried to reach out, but she was not going to give an inch. Months passed. Eventually, her walls started to weaken. Slowly. We did become great friends, confiding in each other, hugging, crying together, and just being there for one another. She’s a special person. I knew she needed me. I also realized I needed her.
So, finally, after getting turned down for jobs I’d applied to and some of them just ignored me altogether, I prayed a very specific prayer. For me, praying is more or less a friendly or not so friendly conversation with God, depending on my mood and frustration at the time. It might be disrespectful to complain to him and talk angrily to him, ignore him, etc., but one thing God does appreciate is your authenticity. I’m not going to pretend to be all sweet to him when I’m pissed off at him. At least I’m honest with him and he knows it. I do later apologize for my rudeness and hateful attitude. My conversation went something like this:
“God, I think I know why you sent me here. I needed to learn how to deal with extremely difficult people, as if I haven’t already, and you sent me the most difficult of all. I learned how to deal with him instead of constantly fight against him and hate his guts. I learned to not hate him. I think you also sent me here to become friends with (I’ll call her…) Sarah, because we would both benefit greatly from a friendship and we needed each other to grow. You sent me here to grow, and I realize growth is good for living. Growth is not always comfortable. It’s pretty uncomfortable for the most part. And I do feel I’ve grown in many ways here. However. No insurance. No retirement plan. No raise in the 1 year plus that I’ve been here. No future here. Long commute and gas is expensive. I miss my kid. I chose to be a parent because I wanted to raise her, not just pop her out and let her fend for herself or let someone else care for her while I’m at work all day and only spend 2 hours a night and weekends with her. I want to raise my child. I know it’s pretty slim to find a chance to work from home, but I’ll do anything, as long as it’s legal and it pays the bills, as long as I get to raise my kid. I want time with her before it’s too late and she’s gone off to college. I want more time to cook healthy meals. Time to clean my house. Time to finish my book. Just tell me why I’m still here. There’s nothing left here for me to learn. There are no further ways in which to grow at this hellhole. Please help. I don’t know what to do at this point. Please help.”
Once I said that and got it off my chest, I felt a little lighter, although still anxious and a bit angry with him, because I felt sort of like he wasn’t listening to all my earlier prayers. I felt he was ignoring me. But when I had that conversation, I felt he was actually listening. I was hopeful he was listening. I actually said the prayer out loud at the office, while everyone was gone to lunch. It felt better saying it out loud rather than saying it inside my head. I had to get it outside of myself if that makes sense.
Not even a week passed, and I received an answer to my prayer. I was contacted by this online company with an invitation to interview for a job I did not even apply for, although I’m registered with the company. I interviewed and was hired. I started out working 10 hours a week while still keeping my day job and when he promised he’d give me 30 hours a week, I put in my 2 weeks notice at the office. Now, I’m home. I’m hanging out with Hallie, sleeping in later, not late, but later. Hallie gets to sleep in a bit later than me. More time with our pets. More time to cook healthy meals, so Mama comes over more often to have supper and hang out with us. Money to pay the bills. Working through my computer. No commutes. Hardly even paying for gas. More time to clean. More time to write. Life is good.
More to follow…