Photo Friday: Fleeting

 

Time is fleeting.  Sooooo fast, that my days run together.  Weeks and even years pass and I wonder what happened, how did I get this old, how is my baby twelve years old when she was two in what seemed like just a year or two ago.  I can honestly say I HATE how fast time is fleeting, because I feel I’m missing out on my daughter’s life, and she’s my whole purpose.  All I ever wanted was to be her mother.

I am very appreciative of the year I had with her when I was laid off work.  There were pros and cons to being laid off, but I choose to focus on the positive.  I could pick her up from school every day and have that extra time after school and in the evenings to dance around the house to crazy music, play hide and seek, bake cookies and cupcakes together, and just belly laugh with her.

Now that I’m working, I can’t do all those things (not every day) and I knew that I’d miss her, but there is a neverending ache deep down in my heart.  She misses me, too, and that makes my heart ache even more.  I am happy to be earning money.  However, if I could work from home doing just about anything, I’d much rather do that and be with her more.  That being said, I’m not complaining (much) about working.  I’m glad to be able to pay our bills and afford a few extras now, like going to the movies and eating out, and I do actually like my job, as far as jobs go.  I guess I just want the best of both worlds.  Who doesn’t, right?

I hate that when I blink one more time, she’ll be grown and off to college.  Time really is fleeting.  ;'(

Hope y’all had a groovilicious day.  I’m going to go enjoy the rest of the evening with my sweet girl.  Yay!  No other place I’d rather be than with my leeetle squishy.  Well, I can’t really say “leeetle” anymore.  She’s almost as tall as I am = 5’11”.  She’s catchin’ up fast!  *sniff*

Love you guys!  *smooch and a hug*

-Carol

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Author: Carol B Sessums

Writer, Editor, Coffee Addict, Lover of Mountains. Lives to shrink the planet, one story and connection at a time.

14 thoughts on “Photo Friday: Fleeting”

  1. Beautiful photo hon. 🙂
    Yes, unfortunately they grow up so quickly and I always saw it as a blessing being at home. I worked for 12 years but then the stress started taking its toll and I couldn’t anymore, so I had to make peace with it. Things happen for a reason hon and we all make our choices. The little time you now do have are just more precious. Enjoy and have a great weekend. 🙂
    *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Sophia.

      You were truly blessed to be at home. Being laid off had its negatives, but I saw it as more of a positive, because it allowed me more time with Hallie, and now I’m missing out. Money is great, but I would be willing to go without a lot just to be home with her more.

      I was running out of choices and had to find something. Unemployment only lasts for so long and I refuse to let my mother pay my bills, so I was blessed to at least get that year off work and live on our savings, 401k and unemployment insurance. I wish I could find a way to make money while staying home. I’m a one income family, divorced, which is a blessing, but it would be nice to have another source of income. Although, not saying I want to marry again. 😉 Please just say a prayer I can figure out some way to make money from home, only for the joy of enjoying my daughter. I want to be more present in her life than just 2 hours a night and on weekends. *sniff*

      You have a good weekend, too, sweet! *hugs* 😉 Oh, and I totally understand the stresses of working, but not any other choices right now.

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      1. I am sweetie and I feel totally blessed every day and my hubby is my biggest blessing of all. Yes, there are things I have to do without but it doesn’t bother me. Hubby now refuses that I even work half-day. The salaries they pay here will only pay for my clothes, make-up, hair-dresser etc. and in the end there’s nothing left. So, now use in even doing that. I would also love to work from home again. For 2 years I did private typing but well, the economy is so bad now that everyone do their own typing themselves.

        Oh believe me hon, I worked for 12 years and also missed out on a lot where the boys were concerned but when you don’t have a choice, what else can you do? At least she knows you are there for her, you love her and what is more important than that. Rather a few hours of quality time than all hours of nothing, I always say. 🙂

        I know you will figure a way out to work from home if you want to and it will come to you, don’t worry about that. Everything happens the way it should sweetie. What I also learned from my working was that the boys became independant. They had to learn to do things for themselves. When you are at home all the time you tend to do things for them. So, in everything there is a lesson and a reason. I know you are enjoying you work but you feel guilty because you can’t be at home with Hallie. Just know it’s for a reason sweetie. What it is you may never know…but everything works out for the best. Also remember… the minute you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. If you want something really bad, make a decision about it, know in your heart it is the right decision and that is what you want and the universe will make it happen. 🙂

        Have a stunning day sweetie. 🙂
        *hugs*

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      2. You really are blessed, and yes, that hubs of yours is a keeper, most definitely. I’m so glad you found your soul mate. I wish everyone could. Mama did. He was a sweetheart and we miss him every day. I don’t blame ya for not workin’ with the stress of it all, plus getting paid so little, and you are blessed to not have to.

        Yeah, we do cherish the time we do have together. We just miss each other, especially after having a year off to spend so much quality time together before, but she’s pretty well rounded and grounded and independent, too, so she’s ok. We just miss that time.

        I am trying to figure out a way to work from home, but it may take a little while. However, ya never know until ya try and I’m gonna try. That’s for sure. I’m doing it for Hallie, so I can be more present and there for her always. You are right – everything does happen the way it should and there’s a reason for everything. And everything in its time. It is pretty good that Hallie is doing more for herself, because yes, I was doing most everything for her. Oh, she has chores and things she has to do, but I was doing most of the stuff. I mean, I was home, so why not? It is good for them to be self sufficient. I still want to be there for her, though. I am going to focus more on what decisions I really want to make. It does sometimes take a while, though, doesn’t it? I searched for a job for a year and 2 weeks and nothing. Now, I have one, but it’s an awesome one, which is a good thing. I did set the intention that I DID NOT want to work for attorneys again, nor at a law firm, but that’s where all my interviews were and most of where I sent my resumes, which is funny, because I didn’t get a job in legal, thank YOU GOD! I will set different intentions and make other decisions toward a job from home so I can enjoy Hallie more. Let’s see what happens. Whatever happens, I am so happy to have had that year with her at home.

        Love you, Sophia! *big squishy hugs*

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  2. The Remains by Mark Strand
    I empty myself of the names of others. I empty my pockets.
    I empty my shoes and leave them beside the road.
    At night I turn back the clocks;
    I open the family album and look at myself as a boy.

    What good does it do? The hours have done their job.
    I say my own name. I say goodbye.

    The words follow each other downwind.
    I love my wife but send her away.

    My parents rise out of their thrones
    into the milky rooms of clouds. How can I sing?
    Time tells me what I am. I change and I am the same.
    I empty myself of my life and my life remains.

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    1. Mr. Strand seems so cold and empty, resentful even. I would not ever want to empty any part of myself of names, nor memories, nor any moment in time. Everything that has transpired in my life has created parts of who I am and I’m not the greatest person, but I like me. I accept me, for the most part. Time is time. We can’t get any of it back, but I do choose to create long-lasting, funny, happy memories, so I can remember things with a smile, and I do this even moreso for Hallie. I want her to have happy, fun, loving memories, to live on and carry on the tradition of laughter, love, sharing and attention, and seriousness where it’s needed, with her future family. I don’t always like that she’s growing so fast, but I’ll take it. I have loved every part of her growth, and although I miss her younger days and wish time would go a little slower so I can have her with me longer, I can also appreciate the need for her to mature and grow up, turning into the lovely woman and person she is becoming. I do not resent time. I acknowledge it, don’t always like it, but concede, knowing there’s not one dang thing I can do to slow it down. I can appreciate time, and focus on the positives and make and remember wonderful memories. And I don’t wanna forget a thing, even after I’ve moved on.

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      1. I’d just read the Strand poem before I came across your post and since both were about Time I thought I’d chuck it in the comment box. Your explanation of your own view of Time was really strong and warm and human and your assessment of his poem as being ‘cold and empty’ spot on. You certainly made me re-read his poem more critically. I don’t share his viewpoint but thought he put it across vividly (if wearily). Made me think of Leonard Cohen…’Ain’t No Cure For Life’.

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  3. I suspect your year of being laid off will turn out to be a blessing in disguise, Carol. I go back and wonder where the years have gone. And I am seeing a repeat of the scenario, now that I have grandchildren. Kids grow up way too fast. 🙂

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    1. Yes, indeed, Marcy, my year of being laid off was a blessing and I knew it when it happened. It was depressing to struggle but it was a joy to spend so much more time with my sweeeeet girl. They really do grow up WAY too fast. I hate that. I wish I could figure a way to make money from home and enjoy her. She is my joy, my passion and my reason for living. I would do anything for her. I started a book last year. I keep putting it down (fear of failure and everything else), and now have started getting up early in the mornings while she sleeps, to work on it. It’s a dream, but if I could finish it and sell it and be a writer, making money from home, that would be another dream come true. Gotta have goals, I guess, so I’ll work on it. Ya never know if ya don’t try… 😉

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