Camp Nano Washed Out

Well, technically, Camp didn’t wash out.  I did.  It’s not for a lack of trying, mind you.  I’ve had much on my plate with work, with running after Hallie and helping her (post-surgery), running after the animals, mowing and working in the yard, cooking, cleaning, washing, going to and fro physical therapy and the list goes on.

I did manage to scribble roughly 5,000 words, not quite reaching the goal I’d set for myself of 10,000.  BUT!  I am still squeezing in time to write, even if it’s for a measly 15-30 minutes a day.  Hey, something is better than nothing, right?  Right.

I sort of messed myself up a bit to be honest.  I started back on my work of non-fiction that I started in October of last year and it’s like I had to force myself and found it to be more of a chore than fun.  I cannot write like that.  It has to be fun.  Don’t misunderstand.  Sometimes you have to glue your butt to the chair or couch or bed or porch swing or wherever it is you want to write and actually put in the time to write.  Something.  Anything.  Just to get yourself started.

Write the voices that are talking (screaming) in your head

But to sit there in angst with 100 other thoughts running through your head of what you need or want to be doing rather than having the want to sit there and write.  Well…  I cannot write like that.  It has to be fun.  After you sit there and force yourself to write, if the imagination and words are not flowing by the end of the first 30 minutes, it’s not worth it.  So I pulled away and thought to myself, “Self, while I realize finishing this book is important, you have all these voices in your head screaming at you to work on their story.  How can you focus on something completely opposite when you have your fantastical characters screaming at you to write their story?  Writing is writing.  As long as you are writing, you’re getting the job done.  But you need to listen to those voices in your head.  Listen to them.  Write their story.”

Then, I had a dream, woke up at 0:dark:30 after the dream, couldn’t go back to sleep, got up out of bed and wrote.  It was an epiphany.  I have started books 1 and 2 in a series and this dream was the story before book 1.  A new twist!  Sort of like The Hobbit movie coming out after all the Lord of the Rings movies.  It’s the back story before the story.  So, I have to say, I was a bit psyched to get up oh so early to write out everything I could remember from the dream.  And it’s funny.  The more time I spent writing it, the more details sprang up and I started remembering more of the dream, the colors, the sounds in the background, the smells, the rooms and changing environments, the action, the drama, what the characters where saying and how they were saying them.  Writing is such a wonderful trip!!  Hearing, seeing, feeling and smelling the story in your mind and writing it out is like biting into a juicy sweet peach, breathing in that heavenly fresh summery fragrance, and having the nectar drip and run down your chin and arm while savoring every last delicious bite.

If you write at all, then be proud

If you did not reach your goal for Camp Nano, don’t beat yourself up about it.  If it got you started writing and you continue every day to write, then be proud.  The real goal here is to write, to create, to spill your soul or imagination or dreams onto paper or laptop or whatever the tool is of your choosing.  But to write.  That is the goal.  So do that.  And be pleased with yourself.  Someone said once, ‘it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.’  And that is a very true statement.  The journey is the fun part, the adventure and, sometimes, the distraction from real every day life.  It’s my means of escape, though I don’t escape for long, as I love my life and the people in it.  Still, a little mini-mental-vacation is always welcome.  To imagine worlds and stories in your mind — those are some of the best vacation adventures.

So, maybe I didn’t wash out.  I started.  I wrote.  I’m writing daily.  And I will finish it eventually.  And so will you.

And if you did reach your goal for Camp, I applaud you!!  And if you didn’t reach your goal, and, still, you wrote, I applaud you, as well!  Wooooo-hooooo!!!  *clap*clap*clap*clap*wolf whistle*  Whoop!  Whoop!!

The Zombie Apocalypse is Here

zombies

Picture Thursday:

Mama and I took Hallie to get her knee surgery. Bless her. Good drugs in the ole IV, nerve block — she was flying higher than fireworks on the Fourth of July. She was feeling no pain. She and I had a few nice chats before they took her back and we had some good laughs. I’m sure everyone back there was wondering what was so funny. The kid is freakin’ hilarious without drugs. So you can imagine her drug-induced humor. Crazy Eyes!! Then surgery. Then recovery. Ugh. Bad dreams and tripping, tears. You might can imagine. Time to go. She screams Chick-fil-A, same as last time. Yeah, same surgery on the other knee 7 months ago. Onward to buy a late lunch and make the usual stop at Seattle Drip for her strawberry smoothie and Mama’s and my dark chocolate and hazlenut frappe with an extra shot of espresso and whip. Thank ya, Lord, for heaven on earth. Stop and buy drugs (the legal kind). And home.

Fast forward to Friday:

Pain pill and ice every 4 hrs. Advil every 4 hours in between the pain pill and ice, so up every 2 hours around the clock. Drugs forcing her to sleep, which is a good thing, then awake in a drugged zombie-like state. I’m so out of it, I don’t know whether to feed the dishes or wash the pets. Tried to work but as soon as I start, you know the thing your eyes do when you’re a mixture of tired, sleepy and a bit out of your mind from lack of sleep? Yeah, the glazed over drugged-out look? Sort of zombie-like? That’s me. Crazy eyes!! They start out at half-mast, then I try to stretch them open wide as if that’ll help make me alert. I can’t focus on work. Tried to nap with her. Then, I think of all the stuff I need to do, so I can’t sleep either. So, here I am, walking like a zombie through the house (picture tank, shorts, unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth, unwashed face with yesterday’s left over makeup and… Crazy Eyes!!), tending to her, and then coming back to pull blank stares at my computer screen. So, why is it so easy to just blah-blah-blah on the computer, talking about life in general, yet I can’t work? It’s easy stuff, too, mostly. I guess my head is simply not in the game.

Yes, the Zombie Apocalypse is here and it’s at my house. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(Photo courtesy of goodreads.com)

The Zombie Apocalypse is Here and is at My House

zombies

Picture yesterday:

Mama and I took Hallie to get her knee surgery.  Bless her.  Good drugs in the ole IV, nerve block — she was flying higher than fireworks on the Fourth of July.  She was feeling no pain.  She and I had a few nice chats before they took her back and we had some good laughs.  I’m sure everyone back there was wondering what was so funny.  The kid is freakin’ hilarious without drugs.  So you can imagine her drug-induced humor.  Crazy Eyes!!  Then surgery.  Then recovery.  Ugh.  Bad dreams and tripping, tears.  You might can imagine.  Time to go.  She screams Chick-fil-A, same as last time.  Yeah, same surgery on the other knee 7 months ago.  Onward to buy a late lunch and make the usual stop at Seattle Drip for her strawberry smoothie and Mama’s and my dark chocolate and hazlenut frappe with an extra shot of espresso and whip.  Thank ya, Lord, for heaven on earth.  Stop and buy drugs (the legal kind).  And home.

Fast forward to today:

Pain pill and ice every 4 hrs.  Advil every 4 hours in between the pain pill and ice, so up every 2 hours around the clock.  Drugs forcing her to sleep, which is a good thing, then awake in a drugged zombie-like state (her, not me).  I’m so out of it, I don’t know whether to feed the dishes or wash the pets.  Tried to work but as soon as I start, you know the thing your eyes do when you’re a mixture of tired, sleepy and a bit out of your mind from lack of sleep?  Yeah, the glazed over drugged look?  Sort of zombie-like?  That’s me.  Crazy eyes!!  They start out at half-mast, then I try to stretch them open wide as if that’ll help make me alert.  I can’t focus on work.  Tried to nap with her.  Then, I think of all the stuff I need to do, so I can’t sleep either.  So, here I am, walking like a zombie through the house (picture tank, shorts, unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth, unwashed face with yesterday’s left over makeup and…  Crazy Eyes!!), tending to her, and then coming back to pull blank stares at my computer screen.  So, why is it so easy to just blah-blah-blah on the computer, talking about life in general, yet I can’t work?  It’s easy stuff, too, mostly.  I guess my head is simply not in the game.

Yes, the Zombie Apocalypse is here and it’s at my house.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

(Photo courtesy of goodreads.com)

Let’s Play 20 Questions

Okay, I’ve had several thoughts about this blog lately and wanted to get your opinion.  I don’t want to overwhelm my readers, so I wanted your input.

I have many interests and I wouldn’t mind blogging about them.  Which of the following would you be interested in reading?

1) Bible study/God/Jesus/Prayer/Miracles (I will be doing this one anyway.  I made a deal with God.);

2) Creative writing & Nanowrimo/Camp Nano (this would include challenges as well); By the way, Camp Nanoers, I’m interested in engaging in some word sprints.  Who’s game?;

3) Quotes;

4) Cooking/recipes/experimenting in the kitchen;

5) Working from home/companies to work for and who not to work for/every day life;

6) Being a divorced/single mom with a teenager;

7) Health/fitness/diet/losing weight/daily working out/super foods and what helps what and what foods hurt you/improving energy, eyesight, and well, health overall;

8) Depression, anxiety, anger issues, frustration, suicidal thoughts, grief (dealing with it & how to take action to improve);

9) Cleaning/organizing (tips, techniques, checklists) re home, schedules, life in general

10) Life in general as I sometimes talk about (with my teen, my mom next door, my crazy furballs, my insane work-from-home schedule, life in the country, Mississippi, road trips, etc.)

Okay, so it’s only 10 questions, which, in my opinion, trumps 20 (unless you just love answering long lists of questions).  So, give me a shout out.  Let me know which items you are interested in.  What are you interested in reading that’s not covered here?  I am great at biting off more than I can chew but I am determined to get back to daily blogging and creative living (writing, cooking, finishing my books) and I’m just curious what your thoughts are.  Comment me below.

And I’ll eventually incorporate photography again, but that will be added back to the blog perhaps in a couple months.

Lata babes!

- Carol

Just a Quickie

A quickie post/update.  What were you thinking?  ;)

I just wanted to drop in and say a few words.  Some of you may know what’s been going on.  Some may not, so just a quickie update as to why I haven’t been blogging lately.

Hallie had knee surgery Dec 26 so we have been very very busy.  She has been busy sleeping, eating, watching movies and trying to hobble around on her crutches.  I have been feeding her medicine every 4 hours and changing the ice for her knee, helping her in every way that I can.  She started physical therapy yesterday and we have to do those exercises at home twice a day, also.

Plus, I’ve had tons of work pouring in, so getting up in the wee hours of the morning and staying up late to get as much done as I can.  The dogs have needed to go out about every 15 minutes it seems.  I do not hardly have time to clean my house, no time for working on either book, no reading even though I took out 4 books on inter-library loan for research purposes.  I think I got to page 3 of one book.

I don’t know why I even thought I’d have time to read anything, much less write, much less clean.

Hallie is being a great patient, though, very thankful for all the help she’s receiving and keeping her sense of humor and staying her upbeat, happy self, considering she’s experiencing this pain, a level of pain I can’t possibly understand as I have never had any kind of surgery.

Anywho, just wanted y’all to know I think of y’all often but haven’t gotten a chance to get blogging.  Before Christmas was pretty insane, as well.  When things calm down a bit, I’ll get back to it, but that will probably not be for a few more weeks.  Trying to work from home full time plus be full-time mom is keeping me pretty busy, and it’s all good.  Just trying to stretch my schedule.  When I learn how to do that, I’ll let y’all know.

I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas and celebrated the birthday of Jesus (since without Him, there’d be no such thing as Christmas).  I hope you all were able to spend it with people you hold close to your heart.  For this new year of 2014, my wish and prayer is for all of us to be blessed with good health, loved ones to share our days with, good hearty belly laughter, silliness, happiness, prosperity and faith.

Love ya!  *smooch*

-Carol

I won! I won!

win_earned-63ff43d72b2e16fd7d1e4d3732f504ec

I won Nano!  NaNoWriMo!  You know, National Novel Writing Month?  I did it!  The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days and I reached 51,101 words.  I’m still not finished with my novel and have not had time to work on it much the last few days but once I’m caught up with my workload, I will carve out time to finish the book, revise, reorganize, polish and then attempt to publish.  I’ll keep y’all posted.

So, who else participated in Nano?  How far did you get?  You know, starting is the biggest obstacle.  Forcing yourself to sit down and write every day is the next largest.  As long as you do those two things, you are a winner!  Work on it till ya get finished with it.  As Nike says, “Just Do It!”  Whether you choose to publish, or not, everyone has a story in them and you should write it down.

So, this one is short and sweet.  I’ve gotta get to work.  I have a full day ahead of me before I need to pick Hallie up from school.  Y’all have a great day!!  Love you guys!  *smooch*

-Carol

Are You Thankful or Are You Angry?

Colors and Light

Wow, I was so stinkin’ angry at God.  I yelled at him.  I cried.  I cursed.  I ignored him, because I felt he was ignoring me.  I told him, “You turned your back on me, so I’m doing the same to you.”  Then, I cried some more.

I prayed.  I asked for help.  I asked for more faith.  I asked for God to take away my fear, my doubt, my stress and worry.  All I could see was my loss, what I didn’t have.  I was more focused on what I needed and I was so desperate in that need that I could not see all that I did have, everything I should have been thanking God for.  But when you are in the midst of depression, despair, anger, bitterness, worry and fear, you can’t see the good stuff.  All you can see is darkness.  You can’t find much, if any light.  I’m so thankful for that sparklette of light I had that was holding me from going any deeper.

I kept praying constantly, after I gave in to ignoring God.  I kept praying for more faith than fear.  I knew I needed more faith than anything.  It took days.  It took weeks.  Sure, I’d go through anger again, crying, depression, doubt, but I kept praying and asking for more faith over fear.  A month went by.  More.  Then, something cool happened.

This peace come over me.  This peace made me feel like everything was going to be ok.  I felt like I handed over my anger and fear and doubt to God, finally.  I told him to take it from me, and to replace it with faith.  I knew more than anything I needed faith and patience.  Patience is a lesson I’ve never quite grabbed onto.  In fact, I downright suck at it.  This day came upon me and I woke up glad.  I started to think, “I have so much to be thankful for.  I am healthy.  My family is healthy.   I have the most awesome daughter in the entire world.  I have the most wonderful mother.  I have a home.  I have a car that runs.  Hallie goes to a great school.”  I kept on thinking of so many things I could be thankful for.

Then, I started to think what my loved ones must be going through.  I’ve been so focused on me and my selfish thoughts, poor me, my poor life …  What about them?

I’m sure Mama misses Daddy more than anyone and anything.  They were soul mates.  They had such a great love for each other.  Her heart must ache more during the holidays.  Daddy’s been watching over us from Heaven for 11 years now.  And Hallie?  I know how scared she must be with her knee surgery coming up after Christmas.  She’s so fearful, anxious and nervous.  I’ve been so selfish!  And my best friend, Jennefer, with her oldest off at college, and so many other friends who have needs and trials and I’ve been over here thinking “poor me.”  A friend told me once, “It ain’t all about you.”  One of the best things I ever heard.

I just wanted to take this time, here at Thanksgiving, to ask you – Are you thankful or are you angry?  There really isn’t enough room in your heart for both.  You just make up your mind to be one or the other, depending on where you choose to place focus.  You can sit around and have a pity party like I did, or you can write down every little thing and person and place that you are thankful for and then — well … you can be thankful.  I can nearly bet that you have more things to be thankful for in your life than things to be angry about.  And thankfulness is such a much better feeling to hold in your heart than anger and depression.

I want to take this time to say thank you, God and thank you, Jesus, for all you have given to us — more good things than we will ever deserve.  Please forgive us for our selfishness, for our anger, bitterness, depression and doubt.  All we have to do is let it go and give it to you, pray constantly, try to have faith, and wait on you, because it’s all in your time, not ours.  Thank you for all your many blessings.  Though we may not always see it, our cups runneth over.  I love you soooo much!