My Truth

To-Do? Done! was yesterday’s prompt, delivered by The Daily Post.

The idea:  Quickly list five things you’d like to change in your life.  Now, write a post about a day in your life once all five have been crossed off your to-do list.

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I have to start out by saying I have been such a hypocrite.  I try to inspire and encourage and uplift like so many of you out there.  I try to impress upon others you must have faith in God/Jesus and yourself and believe you deserve great things, go after your dreams, face your fears, put yourself out there and all that jazz, while I sat here on Friday stuck in the middle of a pity party.  I have sooooo much to be thankful for.  I have no idea how, at times, I cannot see how truly blessed I am.  God has spoiled me and all I can see when I allow myself to be depressed is what I don’t have, all the negativity — my focus is completely blurred and I can see nothing of importance.

All the bad stuff is unimportant.  I know deep in my heart that everything that comes in and out of our life is a test.  It’s a test of our faith in God/Jesus and in ourselves.  It’s about choices we make.  It’s about our attitude towards everything.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  It’s about action and what it is we truly want and about going after it.  There is a long list of our shoulds.

We should help others as much as we can.  We should believe in the good of humanity even though the media tends to only focus on the bad. We should believe in our own possibilities.  If we allowed ourselves, what would we accomplish in the few short years we have on this earth?  God has gifted us all with treasures, talents, love, healing, energy and power.  You can blame others all you want but honestly, I know the fault is my own.  I limit myself.  I don’t believe in myself.  One minute I do, then it flies out the window at a moment’s notice.  I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.  I can blame my weakness on my pathetic childhood and injured inner child or whatever, but within my heart, mind and soul, I know that I have the power to create my life and my own reality.

So, what is my main fault?  Fear.  My strongest weakness is fear.  When you fear, you have a lack of faith.  When you fear, you have a lack of just about everything that you need to move ahead in your life and you remain stuck.  Why would I allow myself to remain stuck?  If I want to get anywhere at all in this short life, I have to face the fears, fight the depression, find some faith in God/Jesus and in myself and in others and force myself to take action every day of my life toward those goals.  I have to look back at my path and see for myself that I tried, I made an effort and then, looking forward, I cannot stop when I come to a fork in the road, a humongous fallen tree obstructing my path, a river filled with fast flowing currents, nor stop when I approach a cliff.  I must find a way.  I must make a choice, a different direction perhaps, a way around it, over it, under it or through it.  This is how I want to live my life.  This is what I am choosing.

So, my 5 things I’d like to change in my life (or am choosing to change right now)?

1)  Take no longer than 23 hrs for rest/pity party (and perhaps that’s too much time to dwell and devote to being down, but the rest can sometimes be healing and cause you to reflect).  At least one of those hours needs to be action for your next step towards a goal.

2)  Take action every day towards a main goal.  No more procrastination!

3)  Have stronger faith in God/Jesus, in myself and in others.

4)  Finish my current book 1 of this series and get it published.

5)  Do not allow crazy, mean, hateful people and their negative energy to affect me and my energy.  Guard.  Protect.  Deflect.  Power through or find a better/safer direction.

A day in my life after all 5 are crossed off?

No more than an hour to cry or lick my wounds while having a cup of tea with honey (sooo healing for me).  Then, followed by an hour of physical activity for a boost, be it treadmill, a walk in nature, dancing like a silly girl to fun upbeat music, singing loudly and off-key (since I’m tone deaf) to some of my favorite songs, find something to laugh at (my best med) whether it’s my own silly goofy self or someone else.  That leaves 22 hours in my day to take action towards anything I choose.

I am a best selling author, known best for my sci-fi/fantasy/adventure YA series, as well as poetry.  I write 5-8 hours a day towards my next book and the rest of my day is devoted to my family, house, cooking and working my land/gardens.  I am also back to my size 5 and happier in my skin than I’ve been in years.  My faith is stronger in God/Jesus, myself and others – moreso than it’s ever been and it cannot be shaken no matter what happens in my life.

I have to deal with angry people sometimes but I do not allow their energy to move my own.  I forgive these people, I pray for them and I do not judge them, because to hold so much anger and bitterness is to hold so much sadness and pain.  I know they hurt inside, because no one is bitter for nothing.  I know they suffer and their level of suffering may be far greater than anything I could imagine.

Sorry for the novella.  I normally try to tie it down between 300-500 words, which is more of an acceptable blog post.

What are your 5 things and a day in your life afterwards?

Put Out the Sun

“A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.” ~C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

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Trying very hard to not be that lunatic today.  If you are a praying person, I could definitely use some.  Trying not to fall deeper into the darkness.  A very trying day.  God is testing me and I’m afraid I’m failing miserably.  I try to be upbeat and encouraging most of the time, but can’t find it today.  I apologize.

I usually try to put out the sun – bring forth light – make it shine brighter.  Today, I feel I put out the sun – scribbled it out.

I know things will be better.  Maybe tomorrow.

Driven by a Demon

george“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”
George Orwell

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LOL!  Well stated, Mr O.

Thank You for Your Love

Lord, thanks be to you for giving me so much
Many times I complain when I need to hush
Why do I see the negative more than full view
I take you for granted instead of thanking you
Thank you for blessing me

You bless me with the beauty of each new day
I mess up and you give me your saving grace
Sending peeps into my life to make me smile
Feeling alone though you’re with me all the while
Thank you for never leaving me

I have more than I deserve — many great things
When I take time to thank you — makes my heart sing
You love me no matter what — you’ll never stop
I praise you and your name to the very top
Thank you for your love