Weekly Photo Challenge: Regret

This photo is of Hallie and Daddy just a few days after she was born.

I saw the theme for the week and the first thing that came to my mind was my dad.  Now one or maybe a couple of you know about the issues with my biological father.  He’s my “father”, meaning anyone can plant a seed.  But a “dad” is a whole ‘nother thing.  ;) 

My “dad” was my stepdad, but only after seven years of his being married to my mom, did I claim him as my own (yeah, it takes me a while to let people in, I’ll admit, especially a father figure, considering my history with my father), but anyway, he was my dad and he always treated me as his own flesh and blood. 

A few regrets with him:  One would be the fact that Hallie won’t know the wonderful, loving man he was.  See, he passed away when she was just two years old.  Thank goodness for photographs and videos, so she can see his contagious smile and hear his infectious laughter. 

They were smitten with each other.  Whenever we’d visit, which was often, Hallie would enter the room, and Daddy’s face would light up with such joy, such love and happiness.  Same thing for Hallie.  Oh my, how they could make each other laugh.  They were tickled by each other’s company.  She followed him around like a puppy dog.  Best little friends, those two.  I regret that she doesn’t remember him and he won’t hold that special place in her heart that he should, because they were both better off for having known each other.  At least he will witness how she grows into the wonderful person she is and is becoming.  I know he watches us from time-to-time.

The other regret?  I was angry with my dad.  Over something so small, so unimportant.  I had been ignoring him, not speaking.  Oh, this only went on for a few days, but the regret is that I can never make amends with him and be on good terms and be happy with each other as a lasting memory.  He died suddenly of a heart attack and he was gone.  Just like that.  I miss him every day.  Sure, I’ve apologized to his spirit.  I do believe spirits visit us, as my grandparents have both visited me and I felt and heard their presence.  I feel my dad’s presence when I smell cigarette smoke.  That was him.  And I have chats with him sometimes.  But, it’s not the same, ya know?  I wish I could just have two more minutes with him to tell him, “I’m sorry, Daddy.  I was mean.  I forgive you, too.  I love you, Daddy.  I’ve always loved you.”  He was a good man.  He was there for my mom for nearly twenty years, and he loved and respected her, which won me over.  He was there for me, my siblings, and for Hallie.  And he will go on living in my heart forever.  He’s my Daddy.

Just one lesson for everyone out there:  Never let one day pass without making up with those you love.  Don’t go to bed angry.  You may not get the chance to say ‘I’m sorry’, or ‘I love you’.  When they’re gone, it’s too late.  Treasure every minute you have with those closest to your hearts – the people that matter most in your life.

*hug*

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19 thoughts on “Weekly Photo Challenge: Regret

  1. michelinda says:

    My father’s face lit up too… till my mother told him to hate me because he was not part of her religion. My father is alive, and recently I thought he was dying in the hospital. But no one will tell me me. He and my mother have declared me dead till I worship their God. I now end every conversation with I love you, because the ones you love can be gone. Regrets is a good subject.

    • Oh, my heart aches for you, that you are cast aside due to religious differences. All I know about family is that family has nothing to do with blood. It has to do with how people treat you, and if they treat you with love and respect and honor, then that’s your family, no matter what your religious or non-religious beliefs are. It’s good how you end every conversation with ‘I love you’. You are a better person for how you treat others – in a loving way. Never return hate for hate. Life is way too short and we have enough war/hate. I will pray for you, and your situation, and your “family”. I hope that’s ok with you. *hug*

  2. Maggie L R says:

    It hard when we can no longer be with loved ones, whether through death or an argument. It brings tears to my eyes and leaves an ache in my heart..

  3. Jackie Paulson says:

    Read it, got teary and had to stop at that. Bless your heart.

  4. Angelia Sims says:

    I am sooo sooo sorry. What very heart-wrenching regrets. My stepdad was my “dad” too. I know *exactly* how you feel. Mine has been gone fours years this summer, but not a day goes by that I don’t miss him like crazy. I wish he had met my step-daughters. He would have loved them. (((hug)))

    • I’m so sorry you lost your dad, too. Mine has been gone since Valentine’s Day 2002. Doesn’t feel like it’s been ten years at all. I’m sure they miss being with us, too, but I bet they’re having an awesome time where they are. As far as meeting your step-daughters, I’m sure he has in spirit and loves them. I do believe they watch over us and visit with us from time-to-time. I know it’s not the same as having them here and seeing them, though. *hug back* ;)

  5. orples says:

    When I began reading the second reason for your regret, I could really feel your pain. My father died almost 26 years ago (of a heart aneurism, no less) and I missed the opportunity to see him for the last two years of his life. The wicked step-mother story, so to speak. I thought I was keeping the peace by not visiting my father, but instead I set myself up for heartbreak and bitterness (for years) by not standing my ground and claiming my rights as his daughter. Your stepfather sounds like a wonderful man. I wish I could have said the same for my stepmother. Anyway, long story short; we should always tell the people that we love, just that. I end every phone call to my children with the words “I love you”. One never knows when that last goodbye really is the last goodbye. Great article. Very touching.

    • Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t get to spend some last days with your dad. It hurts worse when you can’t have closure. When things go unsaid. I can totally understand the wicked stepmother thing. My biological father’s second wife was that – she-devil. But then, I was never close with my bio-father, so no big loss there. I can appreciate why you stayed away. You do need to forgive yourself. Ya know, you can still talk to your dad, even though you can’t see him face-to-face. He can hear you and he knows your heart. My dad had his demons and had his faults, as everyone does, but he had a good heart and he was very loving and appreciative. He’s the one who taught me what ‘family’ really means and respect, not just for others, but for yourself. That’s awesome that you end every phone call with your children with “I love you”. You’re right. We never know if that’ll be the last time we talk to them. I’m like that with Hallie, Mama and my best friend. Thanks. ;) *hug*

  6. sonsothunder says:

    The best of two worlds…Quite possibly, the best two moments in a life span…

  7. jakesprinter says:

    I love it, what a wonderful photo full of love on it :)

  8. frizztext says:

    a heart touching tribute to your step-dad …

  9. [...]  Most Pride Worthy:  Weekly Photo Challenge:  Regret [...]

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