Don’t misunderstand. Many miracles have been performed in my short life so I know God has shown up. I have much to be thankful for and I’ve been showered with blessings — my daughter, my mother, true friends, our homes, our land, the vehicles we drive, different interesting and fun jobs, the ability to work from home so I can raise my child, forgiveness, love and laughter — just to name a few. But as many struggles take place in our lives, I suppose our faith (or lack of) is tested.
I realize we weren’t promised a rose garden. We were warned this life wouldn’t be an easy one. We are asked to believe in God and in Jesus and what Jesus did and still does for us. I believe all that without question. Miracles have transpired to cause me to believe in God. I’ve never questioned Jesus. I have a great love for him. And it’s not that I don’t love God. I do.
A friend brought up some relevant questions concerning God that have me questioning his intentions. Actually, I had already been questioning. While I understand we are not supposed to question God and we do not have the capability of ever understanding his reasons or intentions of why he does what, isn’t it the human condition to question when it comes to things that are so tragic and impossible to understand? I mean, it’s in our nature to want to understand, right?
We are expected to have blind faith, to rely on God, to trust in him and not to worry. We are not to worry about tomorrow because it’s not here yet. But what about today?
What about the person who lost their home because they didn’t have enough money to pay their mortgage? And they didn’t have any family they could stay with until they got back up on their feet?
What about the homeless man that’s too far away from a shelter or food pantry to eat or sleep?
What about these horrific acts of terrorism that abruptly and senselessly steal the lives of hundreds and even thousands of people (men, women, children, infants)? How are we to make sense of this?
How are we to send our tiny innocent children to school when a crazy person might show up and change our lives forever, breaking us, tearing away pieces of our soul? We are not supposed to live in fear because exhibiting doubt, worry and fear is to not fully trust and have faith in God? How can we not live in fear when all this is going on around us? Our God is bigger? Bigger than we can understand? Bigger than all these tragedies?
We are supposed to pray and petition God daily. We are to put our faith and trust and reliance in him to take care of us and to answer our prayers. All we have to do is ask and trust and believe. That’s what the Bible tells us. But the Bible was written by man, yes? By several different men, in fact. It’s been translated so many times, has it not been twisted to distort or even completely eradicate the truth? Some words and meanings in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek (the original texts) do not even have correct English translation. Just something to think about.
I read Matthew 7:7 (NIV) all the time: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” As well as Matthew 21:22: “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” And Mark 11:24: “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” While I realize when we ask God for something (and yes, I know he’s not Santa), his answer to a prayer can be no, don’t these verses say “it will be given to you?” And I know that it’s in his time, not mine. I’m glad he waited on some of the answers he’s delivered. Sometimes, he’s been lightning fast to answer, which I’m also happy with, thank You, God, by the way.
What about the other stuff? How are we to make sense of these things that make no sense? God has a reason for everything. I understand that. But what are we to do with that? How do we get out of bed in the morning when we know what could be potentially waiting just outside that door? How do we let our children out of our sight for a moment? Why does he wait so long to answer when we do need him right away? Why does he perform a miracle to cause a non-believer to all the sudden believe but not do this for another? He doesn’t give us more than we can handle? What about the person who just committed suicide because she just couldn’t take it any longer?
At times, I’ve felt God turned his back on me. I know deep down in my heart that it’s not true. He’d never do that. Even though I can be filled with bitterness, anger, resentment and blame and even scream out at him with what can be a trash mouth at times, he does not and will never turn his back on me. I have found great comfort in this. At other times, I feel the need to turn my back on him. Yes, I said it. I feel a bit of guilt admitting this but I’m just being real. How many of you have felt the same? And I consider myself a Christian. I am a Christian. I am also human and filled with human emotion and feel the need to express myself to God and to Jesus. I know they understand my heart so I feel a little less guilt for being real. God appreciates authenticity more than fake respect/reverence.
No, I’ve not read all of the Bible, yet, but I’m working on it. I also know the devil can tempt you do bad things and maybe it’s the devil tempting me to question God. But maybe it’s also my humanness to question.
Don’t you question?
What do you believe?
How do you deal with all the struggles of daily living and all the evil that’s in the world, just outside your front door?
How do you deal with not knowing? Not understanding?
How has your faith been tested?
And how do you stay faithful?
Do you believe it’s sinful to question God?
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